Page 109 of My Lucky Star
This is what I’d hoped – that he’d start smoking again and I’d find him repulsive. But in that moment, I only felt pain. Pain over their closeness, her manicured hand on his thigh, the faint Turkish words they shared, the swirl of smoke rising to the sky, circling them like a protective shield, closing out the world.
I didn’t belong here, but these two did. They belonged to the world of glitz and glamour, romancing the screen, loved by millions.
The waistband of Burcu’s black tights dug into my stomach, signaling how poorly I fit into this world. I was an intruder, the obstacle standing in the way of Cem’s success, derailing his life.
I retreated into the hallway on shaky legs and kept stumbling backwards, not in control of my movements, until I reached the living room and bumped into Emir.
“Do you want me to book you an earlier flight?” he asked, holding up his phone. “There’s one leaving tonight.”
“To...night?” I stammered, leaning on the wall for support, a sharp ache piercing my chest. “You don’t need my help anymore?”
Emir lifted a shoulder. “I’m sure Cem would love to have you around, but I don’t think it’s fair to you if Burcu is willing to take over. That’s easier for everyone, isn’t it?”
Burcu was willing to take over?
“Of course.” My mouth tasted like old batteries. “When’s the flight?”
Emir grimaced as he tapped on his phone. “This one is in two hours. We’ll have to get Cem out of here and make a move. I can get your luggage delivered straight to the airport. Istanbul Airport is closer than Sabiha Gokcen where we arrived. How’s that?”
“That’s... very efficient.” I stared in awe, every muscle clenched, as he typed away.
So, this was how it all ended, with a stomach-turning fall, like being kicked out of an airplane and falling and falling, waiting to hit the ground. I definitely hadn’t brought a parachute. Not even an umbrella. I’d hopped on this ride with no plan on how to get back down safely.
“Done,” Emir announced. “I’ve emailed you the new ticket.”
“Thank you.”
“Tarik will take Cem and me home as planned, and I’ve ordered you a taxi. It’ll be waiting outside on the curb. Once the paparazzi has gone, hop in. Another driver will meet you at the airport check-in with your luggage.”
“How do I find him?”
“I told him to meet you at Turkish Airlines check-in. He has your name and will hold up a sign. You won’t miss him, and you’ll probably recognize your suitcase.”
I nodded, trying to memorize these details I didn’t even want to think about. I’d been in Istanbul for two days. Two days, and already it was over.
“Here’s some money for your troubles. I hope it’s enough. We’re both grateful for your help and discretion.” Emir handed me an envelope, which I didn’t open. I would have handed it back, but that’s when Cem and Burcu joined us, trailed by a cloud of cigar smoke.
Later, I realized that’s exactly what I should have done –I should have thrown the money at Emir’s face. Maybe then, things would have been different. But I stood rigid like a statue, barely able to breathe.
“We need to go,” Emir told Cem, guiding him toward the front door.
“Yeah, okay.”
Cem gave me a wide berth, a sheepish smile on his face. Was he trying to hide the fact he’d been smoking? I would have smelled him from a mile away, but at that moment, I hardly cared. I just wanted him to look at me. I followed them to the door, my eyes fixed on him as he put his shoes on. Did he know about the new plan? Had he agreed to it?
I took a step closer, but Cem retreated out the door. “You have a ride?” He asked me across the threshold.
“Yes,” I said flatly, “don’t worry about me.”
“Okay. I’ll see you later.” He lifted his hand in greeting, a warm smile on his face, and that’s when I knew.
He had no idea.
I should have screamed. I should have run after him.
Later, I reimagined the situation so many times, with so many different outcomes, but then, I did what I’d been doing all night. I smiled and waved.
I must have looked miserable, holding back tears, but Cem had already disappeared into the dark night.
