Page 36 of My Lucky Star
“Whatever. You must direct your sexual energy somewhere else.”
“It’s not just that. I find her fascinating. There’s something about her. Something so... real.”
Emir’s expression shifted from mildly annoyed to alarmed. “No. No. Don’t do this to us. I’m sure seeing her brings back a lot of memories or whatever, but it’snotreal. She’s not Burcu.”
“I like that she’s not Burcu! And didn’t you want me to act like I’m a little in love with her, so you get the right kind of photos?”
To his credit, Emir looked a bit taken aback. “You know what I mean. She lives half a world away. You’d never make it work and anyway, we both know how long your relationships last. It’s not fair to her.”
I sighed. He had me there. “Yeah, fine.”
We sipped our wines in silence until Aria returned, her hair combed, and lips fortified with pinkish red. I had to admit I preferred her without the makeup, with her face and hair dripping wet.
She placed the white hat on her head and led us through the back door, onto a terrace overlooking the vineyard.
“I’ll take some photos of her first,” I suggested, Emir’s words ringing in my ears.Keep your distance.
Emir took a seat under a sun sail, propping his laptop on his knees, staring at us like a director on set. Maybe it was best if I pretended we were on set. That way, I couldn’t let myself get too carried away.
Aria posed dutifully at the edge of the terrace, one hand holding onto her hat. She looked gorgeous and very much like Burcu, but I couldn’t see any of the raw vulnerability from the earlier photos. After a while, I showed my phone to Emir.
He browsed the pics, his lip curling with disapproval. “Hm. I think you guys need to do some selfies like before. I’ll wait in the car.” He sounded resigned, but his gaze held the same warning as before.
After he exited, holding Aria’s car keys, I caught the worried look on her face.
I smiled at her. “Don’t worry. What he means is, you look amazing, but since that picture of us together got such a good response, we should probably try to do another one of those.”
She laughed a little. “He’s not big on compliments, is he?”
I shook my head. “Not really his thing.” I held her gaze, enjoying the connection between us. Us against Emir. Us against the world.
I reached for her hand. “Let’s go.”
The vines were young and dainty, only up to my waist, running in orderly rows down the gentle slope. We skipped down the path until the restaurant building became a tiny dollhouse on the hill. I headed to a large oak in the middle, pulling us under its shadow. A soft breeze flapped the leaves and the sun filtered through the low-hanging branches, casting us with flickering polka dots of golden light.
I pinned her against the trunk, my hands on her shoulders. “I want to kiss you.” The words poured out like they’d been ready and waiting, only looking for that moment of privacy. I was out of control.
Her eyes widened and lips parted.
“I know it’s a bad idea,” I added, as if it removed my culpability.
“Why?” She looked confused.
Words stuck in my throat.
Because I don’t do relationships? Because I will inevitably hurt you? These were Emir’s assumptions, not mine.
I was afraid that if I kissed her, if I let myself dream about something like this, something real, I’d split in half. Part of me would forever stay on this remote island. There was no happy ending, only pain down the road.
But I couldn’t tell her that.
