Page 48 of My Lucky Star
“I’m jealous of every piece of clothing touching your skin.” I had to look away from his dark gaze. Did he know what this piece of clothing was doing to me?
I used my free hand to drain my wine and stopped him from topping it up. “No, absolutely not. I can barely handle you sober.”
“Handle me?” He set down the wine bottle and let go of my hand.
“That’s what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to... survive this.”
“I’m trying to tell you how I feel, and you’re trying to... survive me?” He sounded genuinely hurt, but the sting in my chest was quickly replaced by indignation.
“Tell me how you feel?” I glared at him. “You told me you’re hard. It’s not exactly a love confession.”
“Do you want a love confession? Could youhandlethat?” His voice had a sharp edge, but his eyes met me with such vulnerability I couldn’t hold his gaze.
“Probably not.” My thick voice stuck in my throat. “I mean, I wouldn’t believe you.”
“You wouldn’t believe me now because it’s too soon, or... ever?” His thumb kept flipping the knife, rolling it along the tablecloth.
I inhaled, my head spinning. “Never ever.”
“Why?”
“Because you hail from a different universe. Words don’t mean the same. Nothing’s comparable. There’s a whole world around you I’m navigating blind.”
He exhaled, letting go of the knife. “I’m navigating it blind, too. Trust me. But I thought we had... something.”
Again, I felt guilty and couldn’t even explain why. “We do.” I fiddled with my fingernails, fighting the urge to rip one of them. If I did, I couldn’t be Burcu. I couldn’t be anything to him. “Still, we don’t know each other very well.”
“Yet,” he said with conviction.
“Yet,” I repeated with apprehension.
Kerim appeared with two chocolate cakes, setting them down with a flourish as his wife quickly cleared our plates. “Hope you enjoyed?”
“Lezzetli,” I said, recalling the word he’d taught me, and Kerim jolted from excitement. It made me think of a lightning rod doing its job.
Cem’s eyes widened as he followed our exchange.
“Are you studying Turkish?” He asked when we were alone again.
“I heard it once and it got stuck in my brain.”
I had a good memory, especially when it came to useless trivia, but that wasn’t the reason I was picking up Turkish words left and right and repeating them until I had them embedded in long-term memory. Cem didn’t need to know how much I thought about him and his culture. He would have definitely taken it the wrong way.
“Once you know enough words, I’ll teach you how to put them together.”
“So, I’d be speaking Turkish?” I laughed.
“Why not?”
I didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t actually want to argue at all. I loved the sound of Turkish and really wanted to learn more.
The cake tasted delicious, but I tried to eat mine without making too many orgasmic sounds. I had to wrap up this evening before I invited him into my hideous flat above the laundromat. I hadn’t covered the bed. A full laundry hamper and a stack of dishes waited for me. In a space that small, you couldn’t hide anything, and I didn’t want him to see or remember me like that. If he actually liked me, I’d leave him with that memory of unmarred potential. I could be the one that got away, instead of one of the hundreds or thousands of conquests he’d happily forgotten. I really hoped it wasn’t in the thousands.
As we said goodbye to Kerim and made our way outside, darkness had fallen. Only the last glow of the day lingered on the horizon, peeking from the end of an alley that led to the beach.
“I’ll drive you to the hotel.” I pointed at my car. “I’ve only had that one glass of wine.”
“Emir’s going to be there,” he grumbled, half to himself.
