Page 91 of My Lucky Star
“A routine?” He frowned at me. “You make it sound like flossing. And I’m not doing it anymore.”
“It’s okay if you are. I’m not judging you.”You’re not really mine to judge.
“Why not? I’m with you, Aria. It’s not okay if I sleep with someone else. How could it be okay?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. It just is.”
“What about you? I’d lose my shit if—”
“I can’t even think of someone else, Cem. I can’t remember their names. Nobody else exists.”
“Yet you think it’s okay for me to sleep around?”
“I’m saying I’d love you anyway. I read this article about you that described you as a committed bachelor.”
“And that’s why you think I can’t be faithful?” The hurt in his voice made my eyes burn.
“No, Cem. I think you’re amazing—”
“Then make me promise I’ll never use those vibrators with anyone else. Carve your name on my wall, Aria. Be jealous.” He gestured at the wall behind us.
I shook my head with a smile. “You don’t really want that.”
“It’s better than you looking at me like that. Like I could never be someone real for you.”
My chest filled with heat. “That’s not fair! I’ve given you everything I have. I’ve abandoned my plan and followed you across the world. I know we joked about breaking each other’s hearts, but it’s true. I’ll split in half when...I have to go.”
“You don’t have to go anywhere! Whatever happens with this Burcu thing, we’ll figure it out. Just stay with me, please.”
The burning in his eyes was likely matched by the one I felt behind mine. I heaved a breath, and my body shook from desperation. “How, Cem? I don’t fit into your life. I’m not here as myself. That would ruin everything.”
His expression softened, and he brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “I know how it looks, and I hate it. I should have thought about that before I asked you to come. I wanted you with me, at any price. It wasn’t right.”
“It’s okay.” I fought tears. “I wanted to be with you, too. I’ll pay any price.”
“I don’t want you to! Fight for us, Aria. Fight for me.”
I nodded, but looked away, because deep down, I knew I wouldn’t fight. To fight, I’d have to believe we belonged together. I’d have to believe I deserved to be with a movie star that millions of women wanted. When, in reality, I hadn’t been worth the fight for anyone.
Cem’s words continued to pour over me in hot waves. “And you believe me when I tell you that there’s no one else, right? I never had sex with someone that I was in love with. Only you.”
“Not even Burcu?”
He paused for a moment, looking conflicted.
“God’s honest truth,” I reminded him. I’d flinched at the term, thinking I’d never be able to say it with a straight face, but he’d obliterated my sarcasm. I had nothing left.
“The truth is... I measure by a different stick now. I thought I loved Burcu, but it feels like nothing compared to how I feel about you.”
I sniffed. He was so certain, so full of optimism. I wanted him to be right. I wanted him to be happy. But... “I’ve never felt like this either, but it doesn’t mean everything will magically work out. Words are cheap, Cem.”
He sat up. “I’m trying to take action. You’ll see.” Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, he stood up and opened his suitcase, dumping a pile of shirts and pants on the bed.
His phone buzzed on the shelf above the bed, moving closer to the edge until it fell onto the sheets. I saw Emir’s name, then Cem picked it up.
As he talked, the atmosphere in the room shifted. I could feel it, like an icy wind on the cusp of winter. Our time was coming to an end.
