Page 59 of Hidden Gem
Chapter 27
Jason tried to takeMarnie’s hand. Why was she squeezing the bed spread with white knuckles? She must have been as nervous as he felt, and he hadn’t even said anything yet.
“You know I have this public persona? There’s this story out there about me, how I grew up poor, working class family, all that? And then I worked hard, saved up money for a degree, become a teacher and got into local politics...”
“To get the council to fix that deadly intersection. I remember that!” She blushed a little. “Okay, I googled you. But when I did, I remembered the story. It was close to where I lived. I just didn’t know it was you.”
He smiled for a moment, letting her enthusiasm warm his heart, then refocused. “It’s all true. But just before the last election, Malcolm came to me with a plan. He’s a smart guy, a people person, but he’ll be the first to admit he’s not that charismatic. He knows how to play the game, though. And I think he saw something in me, from the very beginning. He says, every now and then someone comes along who has what it takes. In politics, that popularity, the ability to speak to the media, present a certain image... it’s a huge part of it. It sucks, but hey.” He shook his head, blowing out a breath. “So, we came up with a plan. Associate minister, then Minister of Housing. I was up against tough competition, though. Teagan Dunn. He has two degrees, including a doctorate. Kathleen wanted him, and we knew they were going to play the degree card. I’d been doing a law degree via distance learning, chipping away at it whenever I could. But when I first got into Parliament, I put that on the back burner. I just didn’t have the time or energy to finish it. But we knew it would look good. A double degree. So...”
He glanced at Marnie, begging for her to finish the sentence, but she just stared back, eyes wide. “So?”
“So, we cheated. Malcolm found this ghost writer... to this day I don’t know who it was. But they wrote my thesis, and I got my degree, just in time for the election. And you know how that went. A landslide. I made Associate Minister of Housing.” He looked at the floor. “But I’m a fraud. Later, I wanted to come clean about it, take it out of my CV. But Malcolm wouldn’t let me. That would mean risking everything we’ve worked for. So, I’m trying to forget and focus on what I can change. What we can achieve.”
Jason took another breath, his chest tight as a drum. The truth had been festering inside him for so long, burning a hole into his gut. Releasing it out into the open felt like throwing up. He glanced at Marnie, panic squeezing his windpipe. He’d dumped the burden of his stinky secret on the woman he loved. His own soul felt lighter, but at what cost?
Marnie’s laced her fingers with his. Her voice was soft. “It must have been hard when they made such a big deal of that degree. I remember seeing one headline about it.”
Jason hung his head. There had been more than one. He’d been celebrated for an achievement that wasn’t his, and it tainted every other achievement he wanted to feel good about.
Marnie squeezed his hand. “I can see why you don’t sleep.”
She was right. He’d wanted to blame the job. Wellington. Malcolm. Everything else. But he always circled back to guilt. Malcolm had told him to lower his standards. Everyone cheated. Those who were smart about it won. He’d thought that achieving his goals would justify everything, help him move on. But what if it didn’t? He was moving towards his goals yet falling apart.
He wondered why being close to Marnie helped him relax and sleep. Did her innocence seep into him by osmosis? Her presence also exposed the dirt he’d brushed under the carpet. It was almost a relief, but the shame tightened his gut.
“Well, now you know. I’m a fraud.” He kept his head down, eyes closed. Marnie’s face would tell him the truth, one glance and he’d know.
His heart in his throat, he turned.
Her eyes met his like two glistening lakes, reflecting his own pain. She blinked, and tears spilled out. “You’re not a fraud. You feel guilty, and that’s good. It means you haven’t lost your compass. And I love that you told me. It means so much.”
“I feel better. Tired, but better.”
“You look wiped out.” Without another word, she pushed him on the bed, helped him undress and get under the covers.
The bed felt heavenly, calling him like an underwater whale song, pulling him down. Jason closed his eyes, waiting for the familiar buzz of nerves right under the surface, but it wasn’t there. He felt utterly empty, unimportant, anonymous. Someone just floating on the waves, slowly sinking deeper and deeper. The last thing he felt was a light kiss on his cheek. The last thing he heard was Marnie’s whisper. “I love you, Jason. Everything you are. Good and bad. Everything.”
