Page 80 of Hidden Gem
Carried by lightness and joy she hadn’t felt in years, Marnie tumbled down the narrow footpath, across a sweeping lawn, down to the lakeside path. How had she not seen it? He’d tried to tell her. He’d offered her his whole heart, and she’d run away like an idiot. She’d told herself she was protecting his career, saving his future, but she’d only been punishing herself, denying herself what she didn’t think she deserved. Until that faint line. A faint idea of a baby. A baby deserved everything. A baby deserved all the love in the world. And if Marnie was willing to give that to the baby, how could she deny it from herself? She had to be the woman worthy of love, for this child, and for her existing children. For herself and for him.
Marnie picked up speed, running along the winding path shielded by silver fern.
Please be there.
But when she reached the gate, the house looked empty, the curtains drawn. He was most likely in Wellington. She woke up her phone to dial his number. Maybe it was best to check the government website, to see where he might be. As she opened her browser, three news articles popped up. The first one stole the breath out of her lungs.
Jason with Luna, all bright smiles and closeness she couldn’t understand. The stylist leaned on him, her arm draped over his shoulder like she owned him. Marnie stared at the photo, trying to blink it away. Her brain took several seconds to piece together the words next to it. ‘Jason Hallett’s new beau. Is this Beatrice?’
With a trembling finger, Marnie tapped on the headline. The article was short. They were seen together, looking happy, enjoying Saturday night drinks. Saturday? That was last night. Marnie forced herself to read on. The piece didn’t include any direct quotes from Jason or even Luna, but in the middle of the article, the journalist had inserted a post from Luna’s Instagram feed. Marnie gasped. She immediately recognised Jason’s apartment. She stared at the photos, pain squeezing her gut. Luna had gone home with him. She’d sent him all those nude pics and Jason must have replied. He’d caught the live show.
What did it mean? Had Jason lied to her about Luna, or had the stylist wormed her way into his life, and bed, only last night? She’d certainly expressed her interest in him loud and clear. Afraid of falling, Marnie slipped through the gate and leaned against the fence, sliding down to sit on the dewy lawn. Fury swelled in her chest like a fire ball. How dare that woman steal from her? Her love. Her baby’s father. Even her fake name.
No. No. No. Jason was hers.
The rage burnt through her, leaving only ashes. After a few heavy breaths, it was replaced by overwhelming grief. Tears spilled out between dry heaves. Because Jason wasn’t hers. She’d pushed him away. She’d broken up with him.
How had she messed up so badly? She could see it clearly now. Those horrible words she’d spoken and believed. He’d tried to reach her through the sludge, but she wouldn’t listen. She wouldn’t believe anyone telling her she was beautiful, good enough, young enough. Sick or healthy. Fertile or not. She’d rather drown in a barrel of shit.
She’d condemned her body as useless, but it had proven her wrong. Over and over again. This ailing sack of flesh and bones could still deliver incredible pleasure, even create a life. Believe the evidence, it seemed whisper.You’re very much alive.But what did it matter if she’d lost him? Marnie buried her face in the elbow of her cardigan, gathering the loose ends of it around her like a cloak. With her bottom cold and wet against the grass, her back against his picket fence, she wept.
Chapter 38
Jason batted his eyelidsto clear the blurry film covering his corneas. The day stretched ahead of him, endless, ready to crush him. But at least he’d slept. The pill Luna had slipped him had knocked him out cold, like general anaesthesia. He’d blinked, and it was morning. Jason sat up on his bed, glancing around his apartment. His gaze landed on the woman sleeping next to him, eyes covered by a face mask with a tropical print on it. Annoyance swirled in his gut. Why was she here? Had he asked her to stay the night?
He got up, moving quietly. Maybe he could get dressed and leave without waking her, then dodge her calls until she got the message. Right after he found out the name of that drug. It had left him with a fuzzy head and mild nausea, but he’d managed to skip hours of pain. Without it, he would have endured a sleepless night, and the comedown from the pill Malcolm had given him. Or maybe that was still in store. He leaned over the sink to wash his face, still half asleep, or rather sedated, his arms moving slower than he’d intended, muscles sore and beaten. Weird.
Jason glanced at the mirror and shuddered at the sight of himself. He must have laid like the dead, one side of his face patterned by the wrinkles of his pillowcase. Those pills would be the end of him, but what else could he do? Even if Malcolm secured his usual prescription, could he go back to upping the dosage, hoping for the best, waking up in wee hours of the morning to think about all he’d lost? All he’d done. He didn’t want to think at all.
“Jason? Are you there?” Luna’s purred through the bathroom door.
Jason ignored her, brushed his teeth and finally stepped out, hitting the doorframe on his way out. Since when did he not fit through a doorway? His head pounded, and he threw himself back on the bed, groaning.
“Did you sleep well?” Luna’s voice had a seductive edge that made his gut tighten.
He felt her stretching on the bed next to him and buried his face in the pillow. “I think I died for a bit.”
