Page 32 of My Turkish Fling
“I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I’m already hurt.”
“It’ll hurt more later if we get more attached.”
His logic was flawless, but the pain behind his eyes radiated across the space between us. I could almost touch it.
“Someone hurt you, didn’t they? Something happened.”
He looked out the window, his jaw stiff, giving me no answer. I didn’t need one.
“And you’re hellbent on avoiding the pain.”
His eyes were hard when they returned to me. “Why manufacture more of it? There are much better options, for both of us. You can date this local man and I can find someone in Istanbul. We canboth build something long-term and secure.”
Long-term and secure. Like a treasury bond.
“That’s logical,” I conceded. “But you can’t avoid pain. It’s part of life. It’ll find you.”
He rubbed his forehead, the evidence of pain right there. I guided him to the bedroom chair and began massaging his shoulders. As I pulled his head against the back rest to work on his scalp, he closed his eyes and exhaled so heavily my chest tightened.
“I hate to see you in pain, Emir. And I admire your willpower. Thank you for kissing me. You made me feel alive. Attractive. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable—” I placed a finger over his lips to shush his protests— “I don’t want to cause you pain, even if I feel like I could take it myself. Even if I feel like it doesn’t matter, because I’m already in pain. I’m glad you have more willpower than I do. Maybe it’s enough for both of us.”
Chapter 15
Emir
I stifled a groan because my willpower was hanging by a hair. But if I admitted that to her, I’d lose my only advantage. I had to at least pretend I was under control, until I could get out of here and give my junk an ice bath or something. But I couldn’t leave, not while her fingers were working their magic on my head, chasing away the pain. I needed Janie. Even if I managed to keep my hands off her, I was already in for a world of hurt. I didn’t want to leave this house. I didn’t want to be away from her.
“I think I have to go back,” she finally said, stroking my hair to smooth the tangles she’d created. “I’m happy to massage you again later. As much as you want.”
“Except when you’re out with that guy.” My voice took on a dark tone that betrayed me. “But that’s okay.”
“Okay.” Her voice sounded strained as she stepped away to check her makeup at the bathroom mirror, then left the room.
I followed a few steps behind, watching from the living room doorway as she directed the beardy and blondie and did another take. I stared in awe as she pulled back her shoulders, faced the lens and delivered her passionate, heartfelt piece to the camera. Janie was a professional. My admiration for her grew every moment I spent in her house, but it wasn’t her skill and charisma that drew me closer. It was the vulnerability. Right now, she was essentially faking it for the camera, her entire being brimming with friendly confidence. But I’d seen behind the curtain, and I found the real Janie even more fascinating.
What were the chances I’d find someone like her back home? Someone so captivating, yet local and thus acceptable to my family. I’d sworn to myself I’d stay away from actresses, but how could I? There was a reason I’d been drawn to one in the first place—the deep admiration, even jealousy I felt when I watched someone like Janie. She was so connected. So attuned. She sensed my pain and immediately put her hands on it, easing the tightness that gripped my whole being.
I’d never be like that, but she’d looked at me like she was riveted by my very being. Was it real? She was experiencing major upheaval and feeling down on herself. She wanted to feel seen and loved. Didn’t we all? And I was conveniently in her house and attracted to her. I couldn’t hide it. But what if something deeper was growing between us? Something I couldn’t control.
Taking a step back, I could usually analyze anything—reduce thereality into cause and effect, predictable chess moves. This time, I could see the unavoidable hurt down the line, but the details remained hazy. I couldn’t tell how this would play out. I couldn’t even tell how I was going to behave. Would my willpower hold?
Janie ran her lines one more time, and we all watched the playback of the final take. I edged closer, pulled in by the radiant image on the screen. I wasn’t a big fan of the white backdrop, but at least the lighting now worked. Her skin looked peachy, and her eyes sparkled.
“Looks great!” The blond guy enthused, earning a glare from his bearded mentor.
“Thank you so much, Gus. If you could send me the footage sometime this week, that’d be amazing.” Janie smiled at him.
Gus smiled back, his gaze roaming her chest, and my hands flexed from an overwhelming desire to escort him out of the house. “I can stay back and upload them now if you want? It’ll take a while, but—”
Janie cast him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry but I need to wrap up right now. I have a date tonight and I need to get ready.”
“A date?” Gus glanced at me.
“Not with me. I’m just here to fix the fencing,” I grumbled.
He relaxed a little. “Well, okay. We’ll call it a day. How about those aerial shots in Esk Valley you talked about? Let me know what time suits.”
