Page 66 of My Turkish Fling
He reached across the table to place his thumb on my forehead, just like I’d done on him. “Don’t look so confused. I told you this is not casual.” It was only when he stroked my skin that I realized how deeply I was frowning.
“But you’re going back. I’m staying here. Whatever you want to call this, it’s not… marriage material.”
“Our time might be short, but I’m not giving you up. I couldn’t.”
“Are you saying you want a long-distance relationship?”
His headshake was swift, eyes hard. “No. I don’t want that. But it’s the last option on the table.”
I nodded, blinking away tears that threatened to spill on my floppy napkin swan. I set it on the table between us. “Apart from breaking up.”
What had felt so possible at night, fell apart in daylight. I’d known it yet refused to see it.
He picked up the swan, gently supporting its floppy head with his finger. “You can break up with me, Janie. I won’t break up with you.”
Chapter 28
Emir
I’d always had the ability to mask my reactions. Often, I didn’t bother. But as I watched Janie’s erratic driving, I opted for freezing those fascial muscles. After all, I’d obviously scared her. She was processing things I’d said.
I had to be patient with her.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked again as she hit the brakes, sending us both forward with such force both seatbelts locked simultaneously.
“I’m fine. Sorry. I didn’t see the light.”
I’d seen the red light from afar, glowing as the only beacon in the night.
“Do you want me to drive?”
“No. It’s okay. I just have a lot on my mind.” She cast me a lookthat suddenly turned furious. “You… You can’t drop that kind of bomb on me. This is a fling. If that. It’s fun and exciting and… many things, but it’s not real and I—”
“Janie.”
“Don’t ‘Janie’ me. It’s one thing to have chemistry, or whatever this is. Or physical attraction. Or… to like someone…” Her voice turned quiet, exasperated. “Respect someone. Or to find a man who isn’t dumb as a doornail—”
“Thank you.” I couldn’t help the smile she drew out of me. I’d never get used to what my face was doing around her.
Janie’s knuckles sharpened as she squeezed the steering wheel, but I could see little cracks in that fury. Sunshine peeking through. “I mean it’s all great, but it doesn’t mean you start talking about marriage. I just got out of one!”
“I know.” That’s all I could say. I couldn’t take back my words. I couldn’t soften them. But maybe I could give her context. “I know it’s not the same thing in your culture, but I was brought up this way. If I’m serious about a woman, I have to do the right thing. It’s about respect. You can say it’s a fling, but that doesn’t change the way I feel. And I think you feel it, too.”
She let out a heavy exhale, her eyes on the road. “We’re both high on dopamine and serotonin and whatnot. I can tell you have this habit of driving people away, and that’s why you haven’t connected with anyone. You didn’t give anyone a chance. And I somehow broke through, and…” She sighed, still not so much as glancing at me. “I love seeing the real you. It’s magical. But if you didn’t drive people away, they’d see what I see, and you couldconnect with anyone. You could charm anyone.”
I leaned a little closer, mindful of the fact that she was still driving, but I had to say it. “Here’s how I choose to see it: You’re the reason I had to drive away everyone else, and I’d do it all over again. If you don’t drive away the wrong people, you’ll never find the right one. The one you’d risk everything for.”
There. I’d said it.
“Goddammit, Emir. I can’t see the road.” She blinked away tears, struggling to stay on the lane.
I rested my hand on her thigh, speaking as calmly as I could. “There’s a gas station coming up on your left. Pull over.”
She managed the car off the road, parking sideways across two white lines. Killing the engine, she wiped her eyes and stared at me. “It’s too early, Emir. I can’t…”
“I know.”
“I have kids. A life. It’s in pieces. I’m in pieces right now. I’m not young and free.”
