Page 80 of My Turkish Fling
Janie
I was grateful for the long time Emir took preparing coffees, the hiss of the milk steamer creating a sound barrier between us. I listened quietly as stories and details of Josh’s life in Auckland poured out, painting a picture I hardly wanted to look at.
“Dad wouldn’t get me new trainers because the baby needs all this stuff… and Caleb and Logan and all the others are making fun of me for having these super old shoes.”
“Your shoes are not old!”
“No, but they’re not like… everyone else has these new Air Jordans and I have the last season’s stuff. They’re obsessed.”
“Well, that’s stupid. Besides, aren’t you guys wearing identical school uniforms?”
“Not on the weekends. And last weekend, we went to Logan’sbirthday party, and he had a hot air balloon and a pool party and—”
“Oh, my God! What happened to pizza and movies?”
Josh let out a long sigh. “Dad said if I want a big party, I have to pay for it myself. But everyone knows my birthday is coming up and they’re all expecting skydiving or something.”
“Why?”
“Because I told them.” His mouth twisted in shame. “I didn’t know we were out of money.”
“I’m sure you’re not out of money. But that does sound excessive.”
Josh hung his head. “I know.”
I didn’t mind that he’d decided to open up to Emir, but I also wanted to have that moment with him, alone. That’s how it had always been. Me and him, chatting at bedtime. I’d missed him so much.
I wrapped my son in a tight side hug. “It’s okay. I know how easy it is to get sucked into that world and feel like you need to compete with everyone. But you don’t. And maybe it’s better for you to live here for a while and hang out with friends who wouldn’t expect that much.”
He nodded. “Benji just wants pizza and a movie.” I heard the smile in his voice and squeezed him even tighter.
“Benji is a good friend.”
“I text him every time I sneak out to get a Big Mac,” he confessed. “But I don’t bring it into the house,” he added. “I promised Dad I wouldn’t do anything to upset Kelly.”
Poor Josh had been sidelined by Shaun’s new family. I knewJosh. It was his nature to be supportive. He stretched and bent every which way to accommodate others.
“Well, I bought your favorite cereal and lots of milk,” I said, gesturing at the bag of groceries sitting on the counter. “You’re a growing young man. You shouldn’t be on a restricted diet designed for a 35-year-old pregnant woman, just because it’s more convenient for her. I’ll talk to Shaun.”
“No! Don’t make me go back! I’ll work for my keep. I’ll look after Molly and all the animals if you let me stay.” His voice cracked.
Tear sprung into my eyes. “Oh, Josh. This is your home. You don’t have to work for me! It wasn’t my decision to send you to Auckland. I went along with it because your dad insisted the schooling was so much better and I was tired of fighting. I wanted a truce. I thought… I hoped it’d all work out. I miss you guys so much I’ve been miserable, but I thought I better get used to it because you’re growing up anyway and will move away from home. And you’ll have more opportunities in Auckland.”
The milk steamer quieted down, then started again. I glanced over Josh’s shoulder and caught Emir’s eyes. A hint of a smile on his lips. Understanding. My heart wobbled, everything inside me resembling jelly.
“I don’t care about the opportunities! I mean… I can always go back when I’m older, right? When I’m old enough to rent a house with some friends or something. Don’t make me live with them. With her.” His face twisted in pain.
“You’re going to have a little brother or sister, soon. They might need you.”
“Yeah, maybe. I promise I’ll visit. But can I go to school here?”
Emir arrived with the coffees. Josh’s posture straightened as he sipped his ‘adult’ drink. My heart squeezed. There was something so grown up about him, yet so fragile and vulnerable. I didn’t want to miss these moments. I remembered Alex going through the same phase, although he’d always been more boisterous and outgoing. He walked his own path whereas Josh tried to fit in. I recognized that quality in myself. Maybe that’s why I’d needed to move here and create a bit of distance between myself and the immersive world of media. Despite my age, I was just as vulnerable, just as easily sucked in, afraid of sticking out or being judged. Being called a cougar.
I cringed at the thought.
Emir joined us at the table, and we sipped coffees, taking turns to pat the excited Gru who jumped against our legs. The dog was beside himself having three people in the house. He must have been feeling lonely with me, just like I’d been. A few years ago, dealing with two growing boys in a smaller house in Auckland, I would have considered this level of solitude and space an absolute luxury. It was weird how quickly your perspective changed.
“So… I talked to Aria, and I think I’ll take some time off work this week. We’re in between productions so it’s not a critical time. And I think we’re ready for the party now, so we could do a day trip or something?” I studied their expressions.
