Page 23 of Falling Slowly
“I’m not George. I didn’t hire you and I can’t fire you.”
Her mouth dropped open as the realization took hold. Had she not understood this? “I know,” she said quickly, but I’d already seen behind the curtain.
I blew a deep breath. “You have no idea how little say I have.” I wanted to tell her everything, right there and then. The urge was so overwhelming I stuffed my mouth with three olives to keep quiet. To think. Because I knew she wasn’t ready. She didn’t know me. She didn’t trust me. If I told her she’d already been fired, she’d lose heart. All the work to unlock her creative thinking would be pointless if she was panicking about her future. She didn’t know George. My father could change his mind in an instant. We only needed to give him a reason. AndI knew Bess had it in her. I’d long ago stopped questioning my intuition. I just went with it.
“Any further thoughts on the Thriver campaign?” I asked.
“Didn’t Leonie tell us to not think about the work stuff?” She winked.
Relief flooded my body upon seeing her smile. “I’m not big on following rules.”
“Why do you think she said that, though? They’ve been running these workshops for ten years. I read the online reviews—everyone says that if you commit to the program, it really works. When you focus on the exercises, your subconscious mind keeps working on those other problems and then suddenly, the answers come to you. It’s all about lowering your stress levels and distracting your brain so you don’t exhaust yourself hyper-focusing on the problem.”
I stared at her, dumbfounded. “You read the online reviews?”
“Of course. I wanted to understand how it works, and I like how it sounds. It probably works, in theory.”
“Not in practice?”
“Not for everyone. I mean, if you come here from a high-stress environment, even if you manage to relax a bit, you’ll be going back to your old life and old habits, right?”
“Possibly. But if you get one great idea, it might be worth millions. It’ll change your life forever”
She let out a sad laugh. “You and your million-dollar ideas.”
“They’re real,” I insisted. “Lots of people make millions with one decent idea.”
“Especially people who already have millions.” The inkling of defiance in her eyes excited me more than anything.
“Fair point.”
“Honestly, I don’t think anyone like me has ever attended this retreat. Not because I’m unique. There are billions of us who could never afford this sort of thing.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t tap into your creative thinking.”
“I guess not, but I can’t change my reality. I live in survival mode, Charlie. That’s my baseline. I’m not saying my life is horrible. It’s fine. I love my kid. I find joy in little things…. but the sort of creative thinking you do isn’t that important to me. Not anymore. I have to worry about other things, like making rent, keeping my car on the road, keeping my job…”
I tried not to visibly wince as she said that. “But, wouldn’t you rather advance your career? You could move from production to design or become an account manager. Better pay, better benefits.”
I didn’t even know how much she earned, but it couldn’t have been as much as the designers.
Bess fell quiet, staring at her half-empty plate. “It feels like a lot of responsibility. What if your ideas suck? What if everyone hates what you do?”
“Then you get sent to a retreat to get better ideas. It’s not that bad.” I gestured at the flaming red and yellow fall scenery outside the window.
“Well, it’s not like your dad will fire you.” She lifted a shoulder, a little cheeky, a little defiant. I almost cheered out loud.
“Maybe not. He prefers to keep me close so he can yell at me.”
“I’d get fired. I know that.” She shook her head, eyes wide.
“It’s the risk you have to take, isn’t it? If your job is to deliver ideas… stand-out, different, memorable ideas, you can’t play it safe. And that means some ideas will be too wild. Too crazy. That’s part of the deal. If you never hit it out of the park like that, you’re not being brave enough. You’re playing it safe.”
“What’s wrong with playing it safe?” She fixed me with a fiery gaze. “When you’re responsible for another human, keeping them safe and fed and warm. And for them to be safe, you haveto be safe.” I saw her hands shake. She dropped her fork and hid them in her lap.
“Are you not feeling safe?” I asked. “What would happen if you lost your job? Would it be the end of the world? You’re so skilled. You’d find another job.”
She bit her lip, staring out the window.
