Page 39 of Falling Slowly
Something loosened in my belly and a shaky laughter erupted.
“Oh, Charlie.” The words escaped with my out-breath, but they didn’t hold the usual tone. More like acceptance.
I felt happy and wanted. I had to enjoy this feeling—it would go away so quickly; I knew it. Memories would twist out of shape, fade, and take on new meaning. Nothing would last. But if I held on tight, I could feel something sweet and delicious here, right now, hiding away from my daily life. Maybe the essence of it would linger like the faint smell of pine and chlorine. And wine.
I drank my wine, maybe a little too quickly, desperate to stay in that bubble.
“I do appreciate honesty,” I said. “And I didn’t mind the kiss. It crossed a line, but it didn’t leave a bad taste.”
“Did it taste like this beer? Because it’s actually very nice.” Charlie took a swig from his bottle. “Maybe that’s a way for you to taste beer without getting any bubbles down your throat?” He grinned, and my stomach responded by releasing a batch of hibernating butterflies. So old and frail they could barely fly, blindly bumping into each other.
I leaned in, ever so slightly, suddenly wanting nothing but to taste the beer from Charlie’s lips. It was all wrong, but the alcohol had entered my bloodstream, turning off my higher functioning, leaving hormones in charge. And according tothem, I wanted to suck him like a popsicle. My gaze settled on the soft curve of his upper lip, following the shape of that slightly protruding lower lip. So perfectly pouty. He wasn’t smiling anymore. In fact, he looked concerned.
“What is it?” I asked as my mind slowly registered the shift in his mood.
“I want to kiss you again, but I think we have a problem.”
“What problem?” I asked like an idiot. There were a thousand problems with me kissing Charlie.
“You dislike me, Bess.”
Chapter Sixteen
Charlie
The beer had clearly done its best work, loosening my tongue. I held my breath, waiting for her to respond. For a moment, I thought she might deny it. She’d been hiding it well, but my instincts were usually right.
Bess might have been attracted to me, but she didn’t like me.
“I think you disapprove of me,” I continued as the words formed on my uncontrollable tongue. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
Her voice was so quiet I could barely hear it over the sound of bubbling water. “You’re not wrong. But I’ve been wrong, Charlie. I’ve judged you based on realities I can’t even understand. Your life’s so different.”
“We work at the same company. We deal with the same jobs. Same clients. We use the same bathrooms.”
She smiled. “Yeah, the unisex bathrooms are the worst thing about that place. The seat’s always up.”
“Is that why you hate me?”
“No! God. I don’t even know if it’s you. Could be Trevor.”
“What is it, then?”
“I don’t hate you, Charlie. Maybe I did look at you like that, at work. But it wasn’t about you. That’s how I feel about anyone with an easy life. It feels unfair. I’m jealous. It reminds me of how different my life is and what it used to be. Every time you blow hundreds on some gadget, I think… I could cover a weeks’ groceries and gas. And it makes me feel angry and sad. But it’s not about you. Everything I learn about you makes me like you.” She looked at her empty wineglass, eyes wide. “Good job, alcohol. You really know how to remove inhibitions.”
She was slurring her words a little.
“Are you drunk? From one glass of wine?” I had to laugh.
She gave me an unfocused stare. “I’m not great with alcohol, even without the bubbles. And this is a huge glass.”
“Yeah, it is.” It was one of those bowl-like ones my mom used when she allowed herself only one glass. “Refill?”
“I shouldn’t.”
“Drink it slowly.” She didn’t protest when I poured her another one. I liked her honesty. She was real and adorable. If it meant she’d puke and they’d have to drain the tub, I’d cover the cost.
“You’re right,” I said. “Money brings a lot of freedom and sometimes I don’t even think what it’s like for someone who doesn’t have it. I guess I assumed everyone at work was on a decent income, so I wasn’t parading my new toys in front of people standing outside a soup kitchen or something. I never imagined you were in such a tight spot. And now I feel horrible about it.”
