Page 40 of Falling Slowly
My mind journeyed back to all the things I’d ordered. The tiny drone I’d been flying over the production floor. The talking vacuum cleaner that could negotiate stairs. That stupid personal robot! I was a douche.
I felt Bess’s hand on my shoulder. “It’s fine, Charlie. You didn’t know. And even if you did, it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to hide your wealth. Besides, you share it. Trevor and Lee are always so excited when they get your leftovers.”
“Wait… why don’t you get my leftovers? Sell them on eBay. I know Trevor does. I don’t mind.”
She swallowed a mouthful of wine, then placed the glass on the edge of the tub. “No more honesty juice for me.”
“What? Tell me!”
The pain behind her eyes made my insides twist. “Charlie. Your buddies get your things. Everybody knows the pecking order. I can’t rock up there and stick my hand in the Christmas basket before it’s my turn.”
“Pecking order?”
Bess sighed. “I’m never drinking wine again.”
I surprised myself by turning to face her, square in the eye. I could see the effects of alcohol, and maybe tiredness, but she wasn’t that drunk. There was a light behind her eyes. Fire. I peeled the wet strands of hair off her cheeks, tucking them behind her ears and held her face, forcing her to look at me. “I love that you’re honest with me. I need that. I can’t say it doesn’t hurt, because I like you, Bess. I appreciate everything you do. And I guess I hoped I could make you like me, too. That you wouldn’t judge me based on my father or the company. That’s not me. You have no idea how strongly I feel about that.” I held back, swallowing any further comments.
I wanted to tell her. In that moment, I wanted to cry and beg for forgiveness, but fear nailed me in place. She had every right to think less of me, to disapprove or dismiss me. But her glossy eyes told me something else.
“I’m sorry I’ve thought bad things about you. It feels safer than letting myself feel… anything else.” She sniffed, looking away.
I released her face, feeling the loss of that contact like the emptiness itself had a shape and texture. Aching and rough after her soft skin.
“What else?” I asked. “What else do you feel?”
I cringed at the neediness in my voice. This wasn’t me. Yet it felt good to be this raw with someone. This was the feeling I’d been looking for. A connection. The absence of emptiness.
She dropped her shoulders and let out a moaning sigh. A sound of desperation. “This stupid pull.” She buried her face in her hands.
My arms reached out to her, fumbling under the bubbling water, before my mind even caught up. Because that pull was a good thing. I could work with pull. There she was. My hands found the curve of her waist and drew her closer. Our legs bumped together as we turned to face each other on the awkward bench.
She dropped her hands and cracked her lips, looking at mine. This time, I didn’t catch her off guard. I waited for her to lower those guards, one by one. Finally, I found some words. “If you want to kiss me, you can.”
Her lips curled and eyebrows lifted. “Ican?”
“Yes. But it’s your choice, Bess. Only kiss me if you want to. Not because you feel obligated to, or because you feel bad for me. I don’t want that.”
I could see the war behind her eyes as her gaze flicked between my eyes and lips, tongue peeking between her teeth. She understood.
I waited as patiently as I could, my stomach doing somersaults, my hands tightening around her waist. Her shin pressed against my thigh.
“You’re good at it, right?” She bit her lip, staring at my mouth.
“I’ll do my very best.”
Did she really think I wouldn’t bring my A game for her? I was already mentally between her legs, kissing like it was an Olympic sport. There were thoughts running through my head I had to lock up very tightly right now.
“Okay, Charlie. I blame the wine, and the moon and stars, and the fact that I haven’t dated anyone in years.”
I secured my hand around her lower back, nudging her a little closer. “Nobodywould judge you.”
“You’re right. If anyone finds out I had a chance to kiss Charlie Wilde and didn’t take it…” She raised an animated eyebrow, licking her lips.
She was teasing me, and it was working. My mind had run away, waving a white flag. I kept my hands on her waist, but imagined them all over her body, my mouth on every inch of her skin. I desperately wanted to drag us both out of the tub and into a bed. Or any flat surface where I could explore her without drowning.
“You better take that chance then.” My voice came out thick and throaty, giving me away. “So you won’t be ridiculed.”
I deserved to be ridiculed for how ridiculously turned on I was. I released my hand from her waist to adjust my crotch, and that’s when she made her move. Her fingers curled behind my neck, and she pulled our mouths together.
