Page 71 of Falling Slowly
I sighed, grateful for the relative darkness. “Since my life crashed and burned.” I’d sworn I’d never tell him the wholestory. That I’d never burden him with it. But as he waited in silence, stroking my hair, the words tumbled out on their own.
“It wasn’t the death. Or, it was, in a way. But that was just the grand finale. First, we had this business. We poured everything into it. Jack had invented this new packaging material that was lighter and stronger, derived from corn and cheap to make. It was supposed to be the perfect idea. The perfect product. He never even launched the Kickstarter. There was an investor who wanted in… it all seemed too good to be true. And then he took it and sold it to a huge manufacturer and cut us out. The patent was still pending, and even with all the patents, we couldn’t fight back. We didn’t have the money for lawyers. We’d burned through our savings getting the prototypes produced, testing and building the brand. I did the design, of course, but there were a lot of costs and we had to live on something.” I took a breath, expecting him to say something. Curse. Point out where we’d gone wrong. But he stayed silent, that hand still stroking my hair.
“Jack took it so hard,” I continued. “He closed off, wouldn’t talk to me. I found out he’d put the last of our money in crypto and had lost most of it. He was desperate to make it all back, but he didn’t know how to play that game. He was an innovator, not an investor. When I found out, I lost it and we had a big fight. He moved in with his brother. That’s the last time I saw him. He messaged us a few times, apologized. I knew he felt bad. I thought we’d work it out, eventually. I knew he was having trouble sleeping. Anxiety. Depression. But I was too focused on finding freelance work to make rent. I figured if I could get us back on track, with no gambling or risk-taking, only hard work… then he could rest and get better. But…” I swallowed, looking for the right words. “I should have been there. He’d been to three different doctors and had all these pills. I don’t think he knew he wasn’t meant to mix them. That would have been somethingI always checked.” My throat felt so tight I could barely breathe. “I wasn’t there. I didn’t check.”
After a brief silence, I heard his voice. “It’s not your fault. You were busy surviving, looking after your daughter. You were doing the right thing, Bess. You were doing your best.”
I’d so badly needed to hear those words that they completely undid me. Powerful sobs shook my body as I soaked Charlie’s shirt with my tears and snot. “I’m sorry,” I gasped, trying to wipe it with my sleeve. “I’m sorry.”
His fingers scooped damp hair from my neck. “I’m honored you told me.”
“I swore I’d never dump this on you. I don’t want pity.”
“I don’t pity you. I admire you.”
“I’m covering your shirt with snot.”
“It doesn’t matter.” He wiped my cheek with his thumb.
I sighed, letting the last trickle of tears out. It wasn’t like I could hold anything in. Not today. “You’re too good to me.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Charlie
My body clenched at her words. Because I knew I wasn’t too good for her. I was deceiving her. I had to get the job situation sorted before she found out from anyone else. And I had to figure out what to do with that campaign. I’d made no real progress so far, and time was running out.
“Bess,” I said softly, when her sobs had settled. “What would you do with that financial literacy campaign? What would you do if it was up to you?”
She tensed a little. “The whole thing is a bit of a mismatch, isn’t it? Offering financial classes to people who simply need money. In many cases, if someone paid off your loan… if you had money left to invest, then you’d want to learn about investing. But not when you’re surviving. When your life is so lean and mean there’s nothing to play with. Nothing to invest.”
“But some of the adjustments you can make will pay off in the long run. You don’t need to have any more money. They mighthelp you restructure your loans and save hundreds or even thousands a year.”
“Really?” she asked, lifting her head.
Did she not know this?
“So, the question is, how could we reach people who don’t know that? Who could really use some savings like that.”
“I honestly didn’t know that program could help you get more money.”
“They teach budgeting. What did you think that was about?”
“I don’t know. Whenever I read an article with budgeting tips, it’s someone telling you to buy in bulk and put it in a chest freezer when you can’t afford to buy bulk or have a chest freezer. And then they say you should be balancing needs and wants when you only have money for needs, if that. They’re implying you’re broke because you spent your money on shit you don’t need when there are so many people who can only afford the basics… food and shelter.”
“That sounds stupid. There might be a bit of that advice, but I’m pretty sure they also help you apply for cheaper loans and better-paying jobs and financial assistance. And get all the tax deductions you qualify for. They’re passionate about helping people. That’s why I wanted to work with them. I had to convince Dad that it was worth it, and now I’m failing the campaign and he’ll rub it in my face.” It felt good to lay it all out in the open. Even if there was no solution. Even if I didn’t get to win this one.
Bess lifted her chin against my chest, peering at me. The faint light from my phone cast shadows across her face, adding a touch of drama. “So, money? They help you get money?”
I wasn’t sure why I felt so uncomfortable. “Yeah, essentially.”
“Then why don’t we tell them that? Why talk about financial literacy or budgeting, which implies people are financially illiterate or can’t control their spending?”
I drew a sharp breath. Something finally made sense. “You’re right. It’s like we’re telling them they’re in financial trouble because they’re stupid.”
“Some are,” she said with a sigh. “But not all. And it’s probably not a good angle, either way. We should drop the word ‘literacy’. It sounds like you need to go to school to learn something rich people learned a long time ago.”
“That’s literally the name of the program, but yeah,” I agreed, my insides rearranging themselves as my mind accepted the new reality. “Let’s pitch them something else.”
