Page 109 of Falling Slowly
He hugged me for a long time until his breathing settled, and tears dried. “I love you, Bess. Am I allowed to say it now? I love you so much. I love Celia. I didn’t even want to think about losing you. It hurts too much.”
“So, you kidnapped me?”
“It felt like the sensible thing to do.” He laughed, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.
Then he kissed me with such purpose, I would have fallen had I not been sitting. Charlie half-dragged, half-carried me onto the mattress, trapping me under his weight. I was truly kidnapped now, with no hope of escape. Did I want to run?
“Is there anything else, Charlie?” I asked breathlessly.
“Nothing else, I swear. You already know my spending is out of control and my family is… complicated. But?—”
“I’m not looking for perfection. I’m not perfect. We’ll both make mistakes.”
“I’ve made quite a few this week.” He placed a kiss on my collarbone. Warmth spread through my body. This wasn’t fair. He’d made mistakes, but it wasn’t the whole truth now that we were laying it all on the table.
“Charlie,” I said, wiping a wayward tear off his cheek. “You’ve been so good to me. You’ve reminded me of what I’ve been missing, and that’s been amazing… and painful. Because I can’t go back to my life like it once was. I can’t. If it weren’t for you, my life would be shattered. What if you hadn’t done all this… what if you didn’t love me? What if you weren’t here to catch me? I’d lose my job and fall off a cliff.” The thought of it made my insides clench. “I’d have to move in with Mom. I’d fall behind on my payments and?—”
“But I am here. And I will catch you.”
“I’m supposed to look after myself and Celia.”
“Why? Why can’t anyone help?”
I buried my face in my hands, turning away. “Because then I’m relying on them. On you. And it means I’ve failed.”
He lowered himself onto the mattress next to me, leaning his head on his arm so he faced me. “But… what if it was meant to be? What if this whole week and everything we went through was part of some divine plan? People need different things, Bess. It’s not all about money. I need you in ways I can’t even explain. I don’t want to imagine my life without you. If you go, you’ll rip my heart out.”
My heart squeezed in my chest, echoing his words, and my mind shifted, the light of understanding flooding the darker corners. Charlie needed me. Could I accept that and give myself up to this thing that vibrated in the air between us, this scary force that would once again inseparably tie me to another being, risking all the pain down the road? I searched for courage, letting that feeling travel like warm liquid spilled from my heart into every part of me.
“I have to take my chances with you,” I swallowed against the stickiness in my throat. “I have to take the risk.”
He held my face between his hands and kissed my cheekbones, then my nose, finally my mouth. “Yes. It’s the only way. Take the leap, Bess.”
I released a deep sigh. “Okay. But I don’t want you for your money, Charlie. I want you for you.”
It was true; I realized. Even if I had a million dollars, I didn’t want to be without Charlie.
“I know.” He squeezed my hand, smiled, and rolled onto his back.
We lay in bed for a long time, staring at the ceiling, breathing the same air. Getting used to the new reality. Or maybe he was giving me the time to do that, since he was already there.
“Do we still have time?” I finally asked, turning to face him. “Because I’ve never had sex in a treehouse before.”
“Me neither.” His gaze ignited with hunger, infused with joy, and he kissed me, long and slow.
As my body woke up to his touch, nerves waking with need, a nagging thought emerged.
“Do you have another condom? There’s only so much risk I can handle all at once.”
He emptied his pockets. A stick of gum, a five-dollar bill and two condoms. “This one’s a different brand.”
“Great.”
He helped my jeans off and pulled up my shirt. The cool air caressed my skin, making it pebble. His warm hand landed on my stomach, sliding down. “It’s a bit cold in here. Should we risk the heater?”
I nodded, and Charlie flicked it on. It felt like a hairdryer on my bare skin, relaxing me into the mattress.
For a moment, he teased me through my underwear, building anticipation, making my breath seize. I felt myself getting wet; the liquid seeping through the thin fabric, meeting his gentle tongue. “Just rip them off,” I grumbled.
