Page 50 of Falling Slowly
“I don’t buy that much stuff,” he argued, but couldn’t hide his smile.
“No. Many people who work for large retailers buy way more.”
“I just get excited when I find a new innovation. Like that hammock. I can’t wait to try it outside.”
“It’s October. Why would you buy something like that towards winter?”
“That’s the innovation!” Charlie’s eyes shone. “It’s made of the materials they used for astronauts. You can survive in it in freezing temperatures.”
“When would you ever need to survive in freezing temperatures? Your office has central heating. Unless you live in a tent behind the building?”
“Wouldn’t that be a shocking reversal of expectations?” He laughed. “No, I live in Belcaro.”
Of course, he did.
“I sometimes drive through your neighborhood, even though it’s not really on my way,” I confessed.
“Why?”
“I get tired of everything falling apart. Feeling like nobody cares. I know it’s not that. People are busy surviving so when a trash can falls over or when there’s crime or vandalism… it takes a while for anyone to react. We close our eyes and ignore stuff, as long as we can. But sometimes, I feel that getting to me, and I need to see places that people are looking after. So we drive that way and soak in the beauty and order of it. Celia loves pointing out the pretty houses. She counts the flowerpots.”
And then she asks ‘Can we move here, Mommy? Can we live in that house?’ and my heart breaks, I thought. I swallowed, struggling to hold on to my smile.
Charlie didn’t struggle. The smile that lit up his face made my insides ache. “She’s adorable.”
I thought of him showing Celia his Japanese robot. How excited she’d been, not just over the silly gadget, but over Charlie’s undivided attention and encouragement. I’d been grateful for that moment—seeing my daughter mesmerized bysomething she’d never come across otherwise. Charlie was a ticket to a whole new world for both of us.
I did what every mother does, smiled and nodded. Because my child was adorable, obviously.
Letting out a deep sigh, Charlie rolled onto his back. “So, what’s your question, Bess?”
What could I ask him? There was a truth to who he was, hiding somewhere underneath those smiles, elusive as a reflection on water. How could I bring it out? What did I want to know?
Deep in thought, I didn’t realize Charlie had fallen asleep until I felt him jerk against the bed and a deep breath, almost a snore, escaped his mouth. I turned to look at him, to study his face when he couldn’t stare back with those intense crystal blues. He looked so peaceful, almost like he was still smiling. If he thought I was an enigma, so was he.
I lay down on my back, debating my choices. I could wake him up and ask him to return to his own bed, or I could sneak out and sleep downstairs in his bed. Would he mind? And then there was, of course, the nerve-wracking option of sleeping here, right next to him. What would he think of me if I did that? Could I even fall asleep with a man next to me? I hadn’t done that in such a long time.
But before I could make up my mind to get up, Charlie rolled over, placing his hand on my stomach, mumbling something. I had to turn my head to check he was still asleep. It seemed so.
The warmth of his touch radiated through me, relaxing my muscles. I hadn’t felt like this in a long time. Perfectly safe. Grounded. I didn’t want to move. I lay there, a furry mess of thoughts circling my brain, gradually surrendering to the weight of his touch, until I fell asleep.
Chapter Twenty-One
Charlie
Iwoke up to something pounding against the cabin roof. Something too hard and tinny to be rain. I turned over, letting sleep slowly evaporate as my mind processed the odd sound. Hail. It had to be hailing. But as my other senses awakened, I noticed something more important. A pair of perfect breasts bursting out of a loose T-shirt, so close to my nose that I might as well have been nuzzling them. Maybe I had. My arm was resting on something soft and round. Bess’s thigh. At this point, it could have been raining rodents outside, and it wouldn’t have cracked the top ten on the list of things I cared about.
Bess stirred and a niggling thought surfaced.
I’d slept in her bed, uninvited. As the message reached my brain, I softly lifted my hand. I didn’t want her to wake up and freak out, but given the racket outside, she was going to. I needed to act quickly.
I took a deep breath and attempted to roll to the edge of the bed. Like an athlete, I visualized the entire series of moves—the smooth roll, swinging my legs over the edge, my bare feet softly landing on the polished wood floor, silently carrying me down the stairs.
Come on, Charlie, you can do this!
But I hadn’t accounted for the blanket. Part of it was still tucked under my body, and Bess must have rolled herself inside it like a burrito. As I yanked it, she followed, slamming against my back.
She yelped and I cursed, untangling the blanket burrito from around my legs.
