Page 92 of Falling Slowly
Trevor: Package delivered. She was quite shocked to see me. I told her I’d keep things between us, but maybe you need to have a wee chat with her tomorrow?
I let out a deep sigh, cursing the fact that I couldn’t contact Bess. Not without involving her mom. After a moment of debating, I took out my phone and called Kathy.
“Hi! It’s Charlie Wilde. Can I speak to Bess, please?”
“Hang on a minute.”
I heard a rustling, and after a moment, Bess whispered. “Charlie?”
“I wanted to check in on you. Trevor said he scared you.”
“Scared me? No, I was a bit surprised, that’s all. He knows about us, Charlie!”
“Yes. I couldn’t trust a random stranger with something like this. I wanted to make sure you got that… pill. Did you? Was it the right kind?”
“Yeah.”
She sounded unsure. Sad.
“Does it have bad side effects?”
“I don’t know. There’s usually a long list, but that’s okay.”
“You don’t have to?—”
“I know.”
“I lo—miss you.” I caught my tongue in time, but my tone betrayed me.
The silence stretched between us. I listened to her breathing. It was erratic, with long gaps between sharp intakes and exhales. As erratic as mine.
“I miss you, too,” she finally replied. Her sigh made the phone mic rattle. “I’ll miss you so much.” There was a long pause, then another sharp inhale. “Good night, Charlie.”
She ended the call, leaving me to listen to the treehouse creaking as the wind shook the trees. It was a solid enough construction, and I didn’t feel any draft, but the way the floor shook beneath me was unsettling. Nothing like the gentle swinging of the hammock, but a lot less confined, with an actual bed to spread myself across.
My muscles still felt stiff from the night in the hammock. Carrying Bess on my back added a layer of soreness to the mix, but I found it hard to enjoy the comfort of the mattress. My arms kept stretching out across the bed, searching for her shape and warmth. I wanted Bess more than I wanted a bed to sleep in.
She was considering us, on some level, I told myself. I’d seen it in her eyes. My mind kept returning to those moments in the bathroom, willfully ignoring the unsavory setting, hyper-focusing on her expressions and the way she’d responded to my touch. The truth was somewhere in there. It wasn’t in her words. And it certainly wasn’t in my words, I thought with a pang of disgust. I had to make things right, as soon as possible.
Tomorrow. I’d fix everything tomorrow.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Bess
Iwoke up at dawn, my heart pounding. Within seconds, my mind caught up with my body’s panic.
The morning-after pill sat in its bag on my nightstand, unopened.
I’d fallen asleep.
The late-night phone call with Charlie had left me reeling, but with one sleepless night already under my belt, the exhaustion had won over. I must have gone out like a light. I was still in my hiking clothes and, judging by the rotten taste in my mouth, hadn’t brushed my teeth. Miraculously, Celia had slept through the night, lying across the bed with her head propped on my moon boot. She hadn’t peed the bed, either, I realized in relief.
Frantically counting the hours since unprotected sex, I got up, took the pill packet, and hobbled across the cabin as quietly as I could, to get a glass of water. To buy time, I stopped to brush my teeth and wash my face.
It was still dark outside. With any luck, Celia would stay asleep for another half hour. I settled by the window with my water glass and pill packet, watching the sky above the dark trees gradually turn lighter, signaling the coming day. The moment felt special, like a gift I wanted to store away. The blue moment of dawn.
I popped the blister and dropped the pill on my palm, frozen in my indecision.
