Page 44 of Falling Madly
Her touch was the sweet relief my body had been waiting for all these years. I didn’t want to direct her. I’d take what she gave me. Anything. Nothing. Everything. I was hers. But I’d been waiting so long my body didn’t listen to reason. I could still taste her in my mouth and every stroke hit me like a lightning. It was all too much. So much more than I’d dared to dream. I fought back, trying to hold onto that moment. Make it last.
“You’re fucking huge.” She shuffled down my body and took me into her mouth.Oh, God.This was it. I couldn’t hold back any longer. I nearly blacked out as the powerful release rolled through me.
When I came back to earth, she was lying beside me again, watching me with a sleepy smile. “I love the sounds you make.”
“Same,” I said, although I had no idea what sounds I’d just made. I’d pretty much had an out-of-body experience with no audio track.
She rubbed her nose on my shoulder, smiling.
“How do ye feel now?” I asked, brushing a curl off her face.
“Mellow.”
“That’s good. I told ye, whatever you need.”
She rested her fingers on my bicep, and I resisted the urge to flex. “I honestly thought you’d tell me to behave myself and tuck me in bed.”
I huffed, amused. “You think I’m capable of such self-control with you?”
She sighed. “I don’t know. At the pool, you said you wanted our first time to be just right. You had these high ideals.”
“That was back then. Things change.” I wondered why it had ever mattered in the first place. All I wanted was for her to be happy. To give her what she needed.
She lifted her head and peered at me with a sense of wonder. “I basically told you I needed a no-questions-asked orgasm, and you delivered.”
“Well, a few months ago, when I tried to apologize, badly… you asked me to jump up my own ass and die. So, this was an easy request.”
“Yeah. A slight improvement.” She laughed, hanging her head. Her curls fell on my shoulder and I inhaled the scent
My heart squeezed so hard I felt that ache again, and words poured out. “And… how’re ye feeling now? I fear you might run away.”
She gave me a soft, sleepy smile. “My shoes are really slippery.”
“Good.”
“And I kind of want to see about us. Who knows?”
My achy heart leapt with joy, and I held her face, kissing her lips, cheeks, the tip of her nose. “Thank you!”
She laughed but eased into my touch. “I only said I’m willing to see about it. Cancel the skywriting proposal.”
My heart lurched a little, but I held onto hope. “That’s a win, trust me. I’d never ask you to marry me unless you had ‘yes’ written across your forehead. It may not seem like it right now, but I have some pride.” I might have been exaggerating, but it was probably best not to come across as totally desperate.
“Good. So, who did you propose to who turned you down? It’s been bothering me.”
My stomach clenched almost instantly. “It was a long time ago.”
She touched my arm, her fingers gentle. “It sounds incredibly brave. Scary brave.”
My heart pounded so hard I could almost hear it. Her eyes flickered with countless emotions, and I braced myself. I’d take the rejection. I’d made a pact with myself to not be a coward. Never again. I’d lay my heart at her feet and let her stomp on it. It was the bravest thing anyone could do. But fuck, it was hard.
I’d done it once and, in that moment, the old scars felt as fresh and sore as they’d been seven years ago. I still remembered the sting of rejection. It was a different ache. Not from a heart full of hope, glowing warm, but a radiating pain that made your insides curl up and tighten.
It had taken a long time to relax again, to feel good enough, no matter what I told myself. And here I was, looking into the eyes of a woman I wanted more than anything. I had to lay it all out.
“Her name’s Hannah. She was the girl next door. Dark curls like you. Pretty. We’d always been friends, but after my mom died, she was there for me. I think I confused that with love. I mean, she loved me, but more like a brother. After two years of sickness and sadness and death, I was so desperate to build something good. Start a family and make new memories. And I’m so grateful she said no. Because I don’t know if I loved her either. It didn’t feel like…” I clamped my mouth before I couldsay “this,” but I saw Teresa’s nostrils flare as she drew a breath. “It was familiar and nice, but I’ve since learned that’s not good enough for me.”
“Me neither,” she said quietly. “It was nice with Richard. Until it wasn’t. Nice can go fuck itself.”
