Page 53 of Falling Madly
I grimaced. “I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to dredge up anything.” I took a bite of my sandwich. It was so delicious tears rose to my eyes.
“I figured,” he said. “And that tells me we have something, even if it’s buried under… I didn’t know if ye’d ever want to look under that rock, but I knew ye weren’t indifferent towards me.”
I swallowed my perfect mouthful, washing it down with a sip of perfect coffee. “That’s quite the rose-tinted, half-full glass you’re holding there.”
“Well. Answer me this. If I died, how would you feel? Happy? Indifferent?”
My chest pinched so hard that it was difficult to breathe. In that moment, I felt it—the raw affection I’d buried under all the hurt and anger. I felt the need and desperation, and the black hole he would leave behind. Had it been there all this time?
I couldn’t form words, so I simply shook my head.
Chapter Nineteen
Trevor
Iheld my breath, watching the transformation on her face. I hadn’t imagined it. Teresa cared about me. Maybe she’d always cared. Whether she had any stronger feelings, or could one day develop them, I didn’t know. But I had to go forth in my blind faith. What else could I do?
It would have been so much easier to move on. Any sane person walked away when they weren’t wanted. Why did I hang around, hoping? I knew guilt had played a part, at least in the beginning, but after so many months, it was mostly stubbornness.
“Ye’d miss me.” I couldn’t help smiling. “If I died, you’d cry.”
She rolled her eyes affectionately, and I saw the film of tears on them. “Death is generally considered sad.”
She took a huge bite of her sandwich, focusing on chewing.
“That’s true. But you work more closely with me than anyone else. You comment on every word I produce. You suggest new headings and edits all the time.”
She swallowed, considering this for a moment. “Sometimes, there’s a font I want to use, and a certain letter has a beautiful glyph, so I want to make sure that letter is in the heading.”
I nodded. I’d figured that out a long time ago. “But it’s not just that. You comment on everything I do. You don’t comment on everything Charlie does because you’re indifferent to him. But me…”
I set down my coffee cup and leaned so close I could have reached across the table and touched her. She swallowed another piece of sandwich and leaned forward, too. “You’re special, Trevor. Happy now?”
“You have no idea.”
She leaned back, feigning disinterest, but her cheeks had an adorable color to them. “You make a pretty good sandwich, too.”
We polished our plates, watching the crackling fire. Outside, it was snowing again, heavier this time. I’d chosen the house for its view and its location right outside town. As much as I liked to imagine myself in the middle of nowhere, hunting and fishing, Teresa liked living around the corner from her favorite deli. Cozy Creek was small, but at least it was right there, outside the window. I knew I was unhinged to dream of her ever living here, with me, especially now that I knew she’d grown up here. But I only had my optimism.
When she finished eating, I collected our plates and loaded them into the dishwasher. Teresa followed me into the kitchen, observing me. She looked deep in thought, a little crease between her eyes.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“You load from back to front.”
He looked up, confused. “Never thought about it. Why?”
“Just something Richard always ranted about. How his ex used to load from front to back.”
“The ex he was snogging yesterday?”
She nodded.
“He complained to you about his ex?” I asked.
“Quite a lot, to be honest. I didn’t think too much of it.”
“Did you talk about your exes?” I asked.
