Page 70 of Falling Madly
“I need you,” I rasped as he raised his head to look at me.
I needed him to fill me until every confusing, vacant space in me disappeared. Until he owned every inch, and I didn’t have to make decisions. I was tired of arguing with myself.
“This is not a good idea,” he said. “But I can’t say no to you.”
“So, if I ask you to…”
“Anything, Teresa. Anything for you.”
I caught a flash of sadness in his eyes, and shame shot through my heart. He was trying to hold back, to protect himself. I was leading him on. I just didn’t know where.
“You think this is a bad idea?” My fingers still held onto his shirt. I didn’t want to let go.
“My therapist would likely tell me I’m daft for this.” A muscle twitched in his cheek before a smile broke through.
I swallowed. “Did you really go to therapy to get over me?”
He rolled off me and propped himself on one arm, running a hand over his face. “Aye.”
“And…?”
“And…” He dropped the hand, meeting my eyes. “I should ask for my money back because it’s been eight months and all I want is you.”
Tears sprang to my eyes. “I want you, too… But I feel like I’m using you.”
“How would you be using me? I choose to be right here.”
I scrambled to sit up. “But what if it doesn’t work out? What if I can’t fall in love, no matter how much I want to? What it’s like a… defect?”
He pushed up to lean on the ottoman. “What? You mean like how Bess can’t burp? That she’ll just sit there making frog sounds when the rest of us belch the alphabet.”
A laugh bubbled out of me. That had been one hilarious night at the pub, right after I’d signed the contract to work with them. I still remembered how weird it had felt to sit next to Trevor with all the unsaid things hanging between us.
“That night at the pub, were you trying to tell me something?” I asked.
“I thought it was obvious. I even followed you, thinking you were going out for a smoke…”
“And then I told you I quit smoking,” I finished for him.
“You made a comment about how disgusting it was,” he added. “And I went home thinking I had to quit. Otherwise, you wouldn’t let me stand next to you.” He gave me a rueful smile.
I felt the warmth of the fire on one side, the warmth of his body on the other. I wasn’t cold anymore, and I felt safe. Safe enough to ask him almost anything.
“So, what were you trying to tell me?”
“I wanted to ask you about working together. If you were cool with it.”
My shoulders dropped. “That’s all?”
“I had a feeling you didn’t want to take that job.”
“I didn’t.”
“And I wanted to see if I could tease a smile out of you. Or even a blush. Anything, really.”
“And I basically told you that you smelled disgusting.” My hand flew to my mouth. He’d teased a blush out of me now.
“I still walked away thinking ye gave me hope. I’m that delusional, aye?” He smiled that self-effacing smile that made me feel fluttery inside. “It sounded like a promise, that if I pulled myself together, you’d give me another chance.”
