Page 95 of Falling Madly
“But how can I know if I’m in love with him? I miss him. I have this awful, hollow feeling, like I’m not okay. Like I don’t know how to ‘be’ when I’m alone. I used to be okay alone. I loved being alone. Something’s changed, but I don’t know what it is. And I feel like Trevor deserves better than that. He deserves someone who’s just as passionate. Someone who’s sure about him and all of it.”
Bess grabbed my hands, forcing me to look at her. Green eyes burning with conviction. “I’ll try to help you, okay? But you just have to go with it, like an improv exercise. Are you ready?”
“Ready for what?”
“Just… ready?” She nodded in confirmation, her eyebrows raised, that intense look in her eyes.
I nodded. “Okay…”
“Close your eyes.”
I did.
“Now… if you have great news, who would you share it with? Who’d be the most excited for you?”
The faces of Bess and my sister flickered behind my eyelids. But I couldn’t help seeing Trevor, too. And when I imagined his face, I felt the warmth and intensity of his attention. No one else could match it. “I don’t know,” I said. My face felt hot.
“If you’re feeling lonely, late at night, who do you wish was there?”
“Trevor,” I whispered.
“And if you’re scared, who do you want?”
I saw Trevor’s face again, just like I’d seen it at Kyle’s house, first in my imagination before I passed out, then for real.
“Trevor,” I said again, a little louder.
“And who do you love?”
Trevor, I thought, but I couldn’t get the word out.
Bess sighed. “So… what’s wrong? What did he do wrong? I mean, I get that it was too soon and too much, but is there something else? Do you hate beards? Scottish accents? Tall guys? Knitting?”
I opened my eyes, blinking away tears. “No! He didn’t do anything wrong. He just picked the wrong woman.”
Bess frowned, cocking her head. “Wrong? How’re you wrong for him?”
“For one, I can’t live in Cozy Creek, and he’s setting up his whole life there. He bought a house. He?—”
“He’s selling it. He listed it on Monday.”
“What?”
Bess gave me a pained look. “Charlie said he already has two offers.”
“Really?”
I had no right to feel angry. I had no claim on that house, or even the couch we’d joked about. I didn’t own anything there, and I had no say in Trevor’s affairs. Yet I found my hand shakingas I reached for my takeaway cup. How could he sell that house?Mydream house. The most beautiful house I’d ever seen.
“Well, I hope the new owner appreciates it.” I was going for a neutral tone, but it came out spiteful.
“I’m sure they will. It’s gorgeous.”
I took a breath, weighing my words. She was friends with both of us, but I really needed an ally. “Do you know… why? Is the office not moving?”
Bess shook her head. “Not at this stage. I think we’ll fit into our current space just fine for a while, with Trevor moving back to Scotland and all.” She held still, studying me with concern, waiting for her words to hit home.
“What?”
