Page 97 of Falling Madly
My heart ached, but I tried to smile. “Is that your home printer?”
“Sort of,” he said. “I bought it for the business, but it doesn’t fit into our office in Denver, so I’ve been hosting it until we find a bigger office space.”
“Why did I not know about that? I’ve been using the print shop down the road. This could have saved money.”
He scratched his neck. “Because it was in my apartment, and I didn’t think ye wanted to visit.”
“Where was your apartment in Denver? I never even asked.” My face flushed with shame.
“Two blocks from yours.”
All the time we’d wasted, so close to each other… I nodded, looking at the giant gray box. “I hate the user interface on that thing, but the quality is pretty good. It does Spiro binding, right?”
“Did you come here to discuss office printing?” His smile was crooked, and a little sad.
I took off my shoes as he took my jacket. “No. I came to visit my couch.”
“This way,” he said, leading me to it. “Can I offer ye something? Coffee?”
I sank into the heavenly softness with a sigh. “No, it’s okay.” I pulled my passport out of my purse and handed it to him. “Here you go.”
He made a show of inspecting it. “Teresa Dragonfly Shaw. Very good.”
“It doesn’t say that!” I huffed a small laugh as I tried to gather my thoughts. I’d imagined it all on the way here. I’d imagined throwing myself at him, not holding back. Showing him that Imeant it. And now I’d already chickened out. What if he said “no”? What if he’d changed his mind?
He sat on the ottoman next to me, waiting. Watching.
“You know how I told you I’ve never been in love?” I said, sounding as breathless as I felt. Was I running out of oxygen? Would I faint again?
“Uh-huh.”
“I’ve done a lot of thinking, and it turns out, that’s not entirely true.”
His mouth twitched and his eyes softened a little. “Oh, really?”
I tried to draw a steady breath. Remaining conscious would really help right now. “Really. Because, lately, it’s been happening to me. Or maybe it’s been happening for a long time, and I’ve finally caught on. And I don’t want you to move away.”
He looked at me quizzically. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Maybe not right now. But it’s not something I’m willing to leave up to chance. Or circumstances.”
He smiled, lifting my passport. “Would ye like to confiscatemypassport?”
A blush warmed my face. “I’m not good at this. I’m not a copywriter or a poet!”
He shifted a little closer, reaching for my hand. “You’re doing great.”
Air escaped my lungs and words followed. “I think I’m in love with you, Trevor. I don’t know how to be on my own anymore. It’s not the same. It’s like something is missing and I’ll never be okay unless I’m with you.”
“Don’t look so scared. It’s a good thing, I promise.” He shifted next to me on the couch and pulled me against his chest, stroking my hair.
Judging by the storm raging inside of me, I probably did look terrified. But as he held me, the storm settled, and those wavesturned into smaller waves, then tiny laps sloshing against my ribcage, as if all my insides had liquified. Maybe I was merging now, like ink spilling into a glass of water, swirling and diluting. I listened to his heartbeat and inhaled the slightly woodsy smell of his shirt, feeling safe. More okay than I’d felt in days.
If our lives were intertwined, he’d stay with me. I’d stay with him. No matter what happened to the house or the business, I’d have Trevor. And that was what I wanted.
“I don’t want to go back to dating, though,” I said. “Not the casual kind where I’m only sharing one piece of myself and keeping my life the same. I want the non-casual. The scary kind.”
He chuckled softly into my hair. “That’s what I want, too. The scary kind.”
