Page 33 of The Holiday Grump
“I’m not the right guy.” His voice was taut, frustrated. “If you’re looking for a small-town fling, try Jackson. Try the Cafiero brothers. The Hawthornes. Not me.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, mortified.
“It’s okay.” The fury in his eyes faded, and he cleared his throat. “We’ll pretend it never happened.”
I nodded. Sure. Pretend. Except the kiss was already branded into my long-term memory. I’d kissed him with reckless abandon, ready to offer him anything. And he’d kissed me back like a drowning man who’d just found air. I’d been lonely for a year. How long had it been for him?
I steadied myself against the wall. My knees still felt like Jell-O.
“Never happened,” I said, my voice ringing with forced cheer. “We were just cleaning up and talking about… what did we talk about?”
He frowned. “I don’t think we need a cover story.”
“Right.” I picked up the cloth I’d dropped and escaped to the bathroom, rinsing it until my hands were raw.
I couldn’t act normally around him. I said the wrong thing and did the wrong thing. Spencer was right. I had no impulse control. I couldn’t be let loose in a town like this. I’d been safe on the ship, with its monotonous routines, strict rules, and protocols. Now, I was roaming free, improvising… And it was dangerous.
“You okay?” Fredrik appeared at the doorway.
I looked up and saw his concerned eyes in the mirror.
“I’m just angry with myself,” I said. “I should have never… I don’t know why I…”
“Nothing happened.”
“Okay, but?—”
“There’s one blanket and pillow and a set of sheets. Do you need extra blankets or anything else?”
I swallowed, trying to adjust to the tonal shift. “I can take one from my shop.”
“Is it even big enough? It’s a child’s bed.”
“No, it’s just a little short.”
He gave me a measured look. “Just like a child is a little shorter than an adult.”
I smiled a little. “It’s fine! But we need to talk about rent.”
“What rent?”
“The rent youmustcharge me for living in your store.”
“Absolutely not.”
“But I can’t sleep a wink if I’m in your debt. Especially since I already kissed you against your will!”
“No, you didn’t?—”
“I can’t do this!” I shouted, my frustration boiling over. “I can’t pretend nothing happened. That’s not how my brain works.” I chewed on my bottom lip as a hot tear rolled down my cheek.
He handed me a towel. “No. I meant you didn’t kiss me against my will. I was very much on board. But it’s not a good idea, so let’s move on. I don’t really know how to handle this, I’m sorry.”
He looked so distressed, and my heart went out to him. “I don’t know how to handle this, either. I’m sorry I kissed you. I made everything weird.”
“No, you didn’t… but I don’t do casual. I’ve never been that guy.”
Panic flared in my chest.What did he think of me?
