Page 75 of The Holiday Grump
“I don’t spend time in the hallway.”
She tilted her head, giving me that look. “Other people might be more willing to visit if they didn’t freeze to death at your doorstep. Or if you even came to the door.”
“They know it’s open.” I tossed another log into the fireplace, more for show than need.
“Fine.” Mom softened a little, dropping her bag on the couch. “I need to run something by you.”
“Want coffee?” I pulled out a barstool to keep her on the far side of the kitchen island.
Mom wasn’t used to being served, but to my relief, she sat. As I circled the counter to the coffee maker, I glanced down and nearly choked.
Noelle had crammed herself into the cupboard under my sink but hadn’t managed to close the door all the way. Her hair spilled out of the crack like she’d been left there by the world’s sloppiest serial killer.
“What is it?” Mom’s eyes narrowed.
I spun back to the machine. “Nothing. Thought I saw a mouse, but it was nothing.”
“Do you need your eyes tested? Your dad and I go every year. Your second cousin Andrew has glaucoma. Ida Kallis had surgery last year and said it was a lifesaver. If she lost her eyesight, she’d have to stop with the crafts. Can you imagine?”
“Yeah.” She’d probably go nuts. Everyone needed an outlet, whatever it was.
What was mine these days? Reading in the bar? Jerking off in the shower? Trivia nights used to fire me up, training my memory and competing. Now it felt hollow.
“Eileen said you didn’t go to her speed dating event.” Mom’s tone was reproachful. “She was counting on you.”
“Really? I haven’t gone to any event in… years.”
“Well, it’s been two years now. We all thought you’d be ready for a bit of interaction.”
“Dressing up as Santa and forcing small talk with fifty women isn’ta bitof interaction—” The coffee machine sputtered and hissed, cutting me off. I let it.
Mom smiled as I handed her a mug. “That’s why I came. I found you a date! Just coffee with one lovely lady. That’s easy, right?”
I glanced at the cupboard hair fountain, praying there wasn’t mouse poop down there. Was the universe testing me?
“Who is it?”
Mom beamed, pulling out her phone. She showed me a picture.
It was Noelle. Fresh-faced in a navy-blue uniform, a neatbraid falling over one shoulder. It must have been a staff photo from the cruise line's website.
“Her name is Noelle. She’s very pretty. New in town. I think she’s running a little shop near you.”
I rubbed my forehead. “Did you ask her? Does she know she’s about to go out on a date with me?”
From the corner of my eye, I saw the head in the cupboard shake violently. I stifled a grin.
Mom’s gaze sharpened, then she jabbed her finger at me. “Ha! Something’s already going on. I knew it!”
“What are you talking about?”
“Eileen told me about her, and we all thought she was perfect for you. Of course I wanted to know how things were going, but your sister wouldn’t tell me anything. She’s not normally like that.” Mom glared at me indignantly.
I rolled my eyes. “I know.”
“She kept saying you were being neighborly and told me not to get involved. How can I not get involved? You’re my only son. You’re miserable.”
“I’m not miserable.” And for once, I wasn’t lying.
