Page 127 of Feeling the Heat: Part One
When you explode and destroy this thing we’re building…
Don’t expect me to be there to console you.
Ambrose’s usually calm, kind voice filled with frustration. River’s cold dismissal that “it won’t happen.”
It makes me sick to know I’m the source of that strife. From the start, I told Ambrose I didn’t want to come between him and his mate, and hearing them talk about it with my own ears made it clear that’s impossible to avoid.
Ambrose is right. This is going to crash and burn if River tries to bottle up his feelings about me being a part of their pack and siphoning Ambrose’s attention away from him.
All of this makes me want to run. I’m overwhelmed enough by my new designation and worrying about my job. Attempting to join this pack where I’m jeopardizing relationships that have existed for far longer than any I’ve had in my life, and risking heartbreak in the process, is a recipe for disaster.
Yet, with Dahlia’s soft little body beside me and Jackson’s soothing earl gray scent permeating the air as he sleeps next to us, I know it’s too late. I’m already going to have my heart broken by this pack.
My omega tells me it’ll all work out. To lean into these warm, fuzzy feelings and let the others sort their shit out, because it’s their responsibility to make their pack a welcoming space for their omega. She thinks I’m worth the effort and emotional turmoil.
Maybe if I’d spent my life as an omega, it wouldn’t be terrifying to trust that this is where I’m meant to be, and that we belong together. But I didn’t. I’ve spent decades as a beta, being shown over and over that’s not how the world works.
I’m not someone who inspires devotion or even smaller changes to accommodate my needs. Being an omega doesn’t change that.
God, I wish it did.
I don’t want to run away. I don’t want to let any of this go.The lonely void inside me that’s ached for ages has stretched into the shape of this pack, and I fear no one else will ever be able to fill it.
My breathing speeds up as I fight not to cry, fingers sinking into Dahlia’s fur to soothe myself.
Jackson groans softly in his sleep and rolls over toward me, his arm wrapping across my waist and further trapping me here with him. Forcing away my dark thoughts with his calming presence.
As I drift back to sleep, I let myself choose temporary happiness over practicality. I’ll have to confront the tangled mess of my involvement with this pack soon, but for now, the lure of comfort is too much to resist.
After a very awkward breakfast,where River says maybe three full sentences to me and Ambrose keeps giving him these inscrutable looks like he’s checking in to make sure his mate isn’t about to have a mental breakdown, I head home. Jackson wanted me to stay, but the agitated voice in my head telling me I needed to leave and remove myself from this uncomfortable situation before I made things worse were too loud to ignore.
Now, it’s Monday and I’m back at work, trying to focus on prepping for a client meeting instead of the alpha on the other side of the office. The one who is jealous of me being with Ambrose. The one who holds the power to destroy both my romantic prospects with his pack and my job if he decides he’s sick of me making him unhappy.
I’ve been staring at my screen, my mind looping the same worried thoughts again and again. This is untenable. My omega has me far too agitated to think straight.
Unsure what else to do, I grab my coffee mug and make myway over to Lauren’s office, hoping she’ll have a moment for a quick break to let me vent. I want to check in with her anyway since she was nervous visiting with Rekha’s family this past weekend. Ideally, everything went well with that and she’ll have some sage omega wisdom to lay on me, but even if she doesn’t, talking to my friend has got to be better than stewing in my emotions.
But apparently the universe is conspiring to stress me out today, because a bulky blonde alpha is in front of Lauren’s office when I approach.
Shit. Holden. He’s the last person I want to interact with right now.
The dickhead has made it his part-time job lately to stop by for “friendly” chats. While my omega has stopped completely panicking every time I’m in the odious alpha’s presence, being near him still makes my skin crawl.
I don’t know why the man gives a shit about me. I’ve continued to make it clear I’m not interested in him, and each time he acts like I’m being crazy and reading into things. Acting like he doesn’t want me, and I must be desperate to have assumed that.
Last time he stopped me as I was heading out of a conference room and escalated things. Said he had an offer to make me. Told me he’d seen how upset I’ve been after interacting with our boss and he might have a way to get rid of River, if I did him a favor.
Holden blatantly cupped his dick at the mention of the favor, and I almost vomited in my mouth. Then he reminded me he has connections with senior leadership, like I didn’t already know his uncle was the reason he got this job.
I said I didn’t have any interest in that. When Holden wouldn’t let it go, I told him I didn’t give a shit who his unclewas, and that I’d report him to HR if he didn’t stop harassing me.
It shut him up, but there was a dark look in his eyes as I walked away.
I haven’t seen him since. So of course he’s here right now, when I’m crawling out of my skin from stress.
I glance through the glass walls of Lauren’s office and see that she’s not inside. I can’t turn around now though, because it would be clear that I’m running away from Holden, and I refuse to give him that power over me.
With a steeling breath, I continue toward him, doing my best to avoid eye contact.
