Page 71 of Feeling the Heat: Part One
I give my mate a curt nod, unable to do more than that.
Ambrose gives my arm a gentle squeeze before prying the bakery box out of my vise grip and setting it down on the table. “Come sit down and eat something. You look pale. Have you eaten enough today?”
“I’m fine,” I lie, unconvincingly. It’s true I haven’t eaten since this morning, but one glance at the food spread out on the table makes my stomach roil.
I can’t eat right now. Not when the alarm bells ringing in my head are warning me that this is a disaster. That despite all their reassurances beforehand, I’m absolutely going to ruin my packmates’ chance of having an omega.
Their chance, not mine. That already went out the window when I saw the omega in question was my subordinate. But I don’t matter. I’ll be fine as long as my packmates are.
I need to get my shit together.Now.
I force a smile onto my face as I take the empty seat next to Jackson. Though it turns into a small wince as my body protests the movement. My joint pain and back are killing me after being stuck at my desk and in meetings even more than usual. Normally, when things are this bad, I’d come home, take a long hot shower, pop a CBD gummy, and lie down.
Camille catches my grimace and misinterprets it, her eyesdropping to her plate as she pushes her food around with her fork so she doesn’t have to look at me.
Fuck. She’s miserable now that I’m here.
I’m in no state to make a good impression, but I didn’t want to be the reason Ambrose and Jackson didn’t see Camille tonight.
Now, I wish I’d cancelled. Or at least been less scared to ask them for more details about this mystery omega. I could’ve avoided this clusterfuck. I could’ve prepared myself.
This is what happens when I let hope in. Giving into the fantasy of Ambrose’s scent match slotting into our pack like she’s the missing piece was a mistake. I can’t believe I didn’t learn my lesson after our past attempts to find an omega.
I grab the water glass in front of me and take a swig, washing down the bile rising in my throat.
Ambrose’s brow is set with deep concern and I can’t meet his eye for fear that I’ll lose my hold over the bond and my panic will break through.
I pinch my thigh under the table, trying to use the pain to snap me back to my senses.
“What did I miss?” I ask, my voice terse despite my attempt to sound casual.
“Oh, just Dolly attacking Camille with love, us gushing about the food, and some of Camille’s work woes. You know all about that kind of thing, right?” Jackson smiles at me, clearly trying to give me an opportunity to connect with Camille, but my stomach clenches violently at his question.
If Camille is having a problem at work, it must have to do with me.
I’m acutely aware I haven’t been the best boss to her. I’m curt and cold, and I took away her biggest account after she was absent with no warning.
That decision reframes itself in my mind, transformingfrom a common sense choice to salvage that business relationship into something much worse.
Fuck, I’m a bastard. I didn’t even ask her why she was sick. I didn’t check in with her after our brief conversation about changing her account assignments.
If I had… I don’t know what I would’ve done. I’d like to think I would’ve been more supportive, or at least not so harsh.
But I did nothing.
Icouldn’t.
I couldn’t let myself entertain the possibility of being friendly or sympathetic toward Camille, because my alpha would’ve latched on to that and deepened his obsession with her. Keeping myself at a distance, only seeing her briefly in team meetings and in the halls, was the only way I could stay professional. And despite that distance, my alpha was still distraught, wondering what happened to her when she didn’t show up for days.
Slimy dread and guilt pool in my stomach. I nod at Jackson. “Work can be rough, I guess.”
My trite response has Camille’s eyes flashing up to meet mine. Her gaze shows clear hurt, like I implied she was the source of my work problems.
I want to tell her that she’s never been a problem. That aside from her absence, she’s the best, most competent employee on my team. That she’s so smart and hardworking that it makes me ache to praise her every time I see her.
Maybe under different circumstances I could say fuck it and give in to my alpha’s attachment to her. Apologize for being an ass and confess my desire for her. But if I did that, I’d have to quit my job. There’s a strict no fraternization policy at the office, never mind the unequal power dynamic that’d come into play between us as boss and employee.
With the loss of Jackson’s higher income, I’m the oneproviding for our pack now. I took on the managerial position at Pulse PR because it was the best paying job I could get. I can’t quit or get fired. I have to take care of them.
