Page 75 of Feeling the Heat: Part One
Not only that, but he was hurting Camille, which makes my alpha want to growl at him.
River meets my eyes, shame written across his face and radiating down the bond. I let him feel all of my emotions because I’d be a hypocrite to want him to share with me while holding myself back.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I know that an apology won’t make up for potentially ruining things with Camille. But I’ll find a way to fix this. I won’t destroy both your chances of being happy.”
“That’s not why I’m upset,” I snap “Of course we’ll fix this. And if we don’t, Camille isn’t meant to be part of our pack.”
River blinks at me, taken aback. I know I’m being harsh, but I haven’t been able to get through his thick, self-sacrificing skull so far, so maybe this is what he needs.
“I’m hurt, River. You should’ve told me about what was happening at work.” I swallow down a lump of emotion before continuing. “I’ve asked you for months—almost a year, for fuck’s sake—about what was stressing you out at work, and you blamed it on being busy. I could’ve helped.”
“Wecould’ve helped,” Jackson interjects. “I know we’re notpartners, but you’re my best friend. This is the kind of shit you talk to your best friend about.”
“I know. I wanted to. I’m so sorry.” River runs a hand through his hair, tipping his head back and closing his eyes. When he looks back at us, he sighs. “It was right after things went to hell with Alexis, and Jackson was talking about quitting. I didn’t want to make things even more stressful. I thought I could handle it on my own. And to be fair, it would’ve been fine if fate didn’t have such a shitty sense of humor. Neither of you would’ve ever even known Camille existed.”
God, if that isn’t the most quintessential River thing to say. His worst nightmare is being a problem or inconveniencing us. Too bad he ended up with two packmates who’d do anything for him. Whowantto do things for him.
“Please stop deciding for us what stress we can and can’t handle.” I place a hand on his shoulder. “You’re going to put one of us in an early grave if you keep this up,” I add with a teasing chuckle, trying to soften my words a touch.
River gives me a watery smile. He sniffs and nods. “Okay.”
Jackson grins at him. “You’d think after being raised in a free love commune, you’d be more open.”
River grimaces at the mention of his upbringing. “Some things should stay private,” he mutters. When Jackson scowls at him, he holds his hands up defensively. “But, I get it. I’ll do better.” He sucks in a deep breath, steadying himself. “Starting with Camille.”
“We don’t have to figure that out immediately,” I say gently.
River shakes his head. “Yeah, we do. You may not like my solution, but please hear me out.”
“Hold on, lemme get Dolly for you.” Jackson moves over to the dog bed and scoops up a slightly disgruntled Dahlia, whohas been watching us with concern. He shoves her into River’s arms. “Tough conversations are always better with a comfort dog.”
River’s face scrunches like he wants to argue that he doesn’t need a comfort dog, but a moment later smiles down at the dachshund in his arms when she nudges him to pet her. He sits back down at the table with her in his lap and Jackson and I take our seats again, ready to listen.
When everyone is settled, River nods. “I want Camille to be part of our pack.”
“No shit. We all do,” Jackson replies and I shoot him a look that says now isn’t the time for being glib. He sobers. “Sorry, go on.”
“She fits well with both of you, so you should keep courting her.”
I can already see where he’s going with this, and I don’t like it. “What about you? We’re not trading you for her, so don’t even think about suggesting?—”
River scoffs. “I’m not! I get it. You two want to keep me around for god knows what reason, so I’m not going anywhere.”
I roll my eyes at his nonsense. “We want you to stay because you belong with us. We love you.”
“Yeah,” Jackson adds.
“And I love you, which is why I’m not arguing about it anymore,” River replies in a huff. “What I’m trying to say is that you should both court Camille, and if that works out, great. I can’t court her because of my job, and I don’t even think she’d want that, given how awful I’ve been to her. But platonic packmates are a thing,” he says, inclining his chin at Jackson. “Not everyone has to be with her romantically for this to work.”
As much as I dislike the idea, River has already proven hecan handle wanting someone and not acting on it. It could work.
“I don’t know…” Jackson starts, looking over at me to back him up.
“We can try,” I say, because what’s the alternative? I can’t force River to court Camille, and unless he can find another job—which I’d never ask him to do—his hands are tied.
His relief is palpable through the bond, like an enormous weight was lifted off of him. He cards his fingers through Dolly’s fur. “Good. This can work.”
“I’m willing to try, but dude, you have to communicate with us.” Jackson crosses his arms over his chest. “You have to stop shutting off your bond, because I don’t trust you to not hide what’s really going on in that brilliant, anxious mind of yours.”
