Page 129 of Feeling the Heat: Part One
Dammit. I press against my eyes with the heels of my hands as my head throbs, defeated.
I need to get my shit together before my call this afternoon.
I need to send a message to HR, but I’m nervous about potential repercussions if Holden denies what he’s been doing.
I need to deal with the pack courting drama before it makes it impossible for me to do my job.
It’s too much. I can’t handle this on my own. I’m drowning.
With no other options left, I text Astrid.
Talking to her means that I’ll have to confront how I’vebeen withholding information from my best friend. I really wanted to wait until all the stuff with River and his pack settled before filling her in. If things worked out, then I could appease her with the news of me being happy and joining a pack. And if it crashed and burned, then I could go back to pretending that nothing has changed in my life.
I wanted to keep Astrid as the last bastion of beta Camille’s life, untainted by my omega side.
I’ve held myself back from talking to the person in my life that knows me the best because I’m still clinging to my old self. But I can’t deny that I’ve changed, and I have to trust that my best friend will still love me as an omega.
It’s ridiculous that I’d ever assume she wouldn’t, but logic really isn’t my strong suit lately.
God, Astrid is going to be so pissed at me for keeping her in the dark. But I’m desperate and can deal with her justified ire if that means she’ll help me sort through the tangled mess my life has become.
I shoot her a quick text, asking her to lunch today. Telling her I really need to talk. She replies right away, confused but willing to do whatever I need. Which makes me feel even shittier for avoiding her.
Once our lunch plans are sorted, I turn back to my computer. I’d hoped some of the weight on my chest would’ve eased, but no. Now, on top of everything else, I’m anxious about telling my best friend how secretive I’ve been.
Time ticks by as I stare at the monitor. I’m no closer to being prepared for my meeting this afternoon. This is untenable. I need to do something.Now.
I type out an impulsive message to River and hit send before I can think better of it.
C. Clairmont: Do you have time for a quick meeting?
I’m sure he’s not available. And even if he is, it’s doubtful he’ll be receptive to talking to me. I should wait until after I talk to Astrid. Until I’ve calmed down.
The chime of his reply startles me when it arrives a few moments later.
R. Marlowe: Sure. I have a meeting at 11, but if that’s enough time, come on over. I’ve been meaning to check in with you about DesigNation, so it’ll be good to catch up.
I narrow my eyes at the screen.It’ll be good to catch up?
In what universe is that true? River avoids me like the plague in the office, and now he wants to know how things are going? He must only be saying that out of some feeble attempt at civility.
I glance at the clock. It’s only 10:30. That’s the perfect amount of time for me to deal with this shit. I’ll go in there, tell him I’m sorry, but I need to stop pursuing things with his pack because it’s too stressful and distracting, and then have an excuse to get out before he can drag the conversation out.
Not that he will.
Leaving his pack alone solves all his problems. Maybe it’ll make them sad in the short term, but I’m sure they’ll manage.
He can go back to being a negligent, slightly rude boss and I can go back to my boring, romance-free life where I don’t have to stress about hurting anyone or getting caught in the middle of drama. I can focus on doing my damn job instead of letting my emotions overwhelm me.
C. Clairmont: That works.
A minute goes by and I wonder if maybe he’s pretending to be busy so enough time passes that he can claim it’s too late to talk before his meeting, but then the typing dots appear.
R. Marlowe: Alright. I’m in my office.
Crap. I was kind of hoping he’d find an excuse to not talk. Even though I know I should get this over with, that doesn’t make it any less scary.
I stand from my chair, legs wobbly with nerves as I walk to River’s office, praying I don’t run into Holden again.
