Page 61 of Feeling the Heat: Part One
If I want there to be any hope of things working out with me and this pack, I need to be myself, not a blank slate for someone else to paint desires and preferences on.
I’ve always been envious of omegas and how it’s seen as natural for them to be opinionated and ask for what they want. Maybe I can let myself embrace that small perk of being an omega.
Besides, Ambrose is asking my opinion on the food I like, not something earth shattering.
My omega is highly pleased when I send a reply that isn’t noncommittal.
Camille: My favorite food is mac and cheese, but any kind of pasta dish would be amazing. I eat meat and most veggies, but carbs and cheese have my heart.
I don’t even let myself apologize or make a self-deprecating joke about having basic taste or unhealthy faves, even though I really want to.
It’s a little pathetic that I’m counting being honest about my preferences as a dating win. You’d think some of this damn anxiety would’ve died with age, but no. Instead, I just stopped bothering with relationships at all.
Ambrose: Oh, thank god, you’re not a health nut. It’d be fine if you were, but it’ll be nice to have someone on my side when we’re arguing about getting takeout versus having grilled chicken and salad again for dinner.
Ambrose: Jackson is very into nutrition, so he tries to gently bully me into making healthier choices by cooking us meals. It’s sweet, but sometimes I want to eat total garbage.
My confidence in sharing my preferences deflates, as I immediately regret picking food that Jackson might take issue with. And now I have the delightful new worry that he’ll try to get me to eat healthier so I’ll lose weight.
I may be accommodating, but that’s one of my deal breakers. I have zero interest in dieting or changing the size of my body.
I almost bring it up, but figure that’s a conversationto have with Jackson directly, rather than putting Ambrose in the middle of things.
Forcing myself to not spiral deeper into that worry preemptively, I answer the other part of Ambrose’s question.
Camille: As far as pets go, I’m allergic to rabbits, but any other animals are great. Well, maybe not any other. If you have a pet tiger or something illegal, we might have a problem.
Ambrose: Damn, okay. I’ll take our tiger back to the zoo.
I snort at Ambrose going along with my silly joke. That’s a good sign, right?
Ambrose seems like a walking green flag, but I fear I’m colorblind when it comes to dating. I don’t trust myself to differentiate between good and bad signs any more.
Camille: I appreciate you making that sacrifice for me.
Ambrose: I’d do anything to make you comfortable and happy.
My breath quickens as I read his message. My omega is thrilled, but my logical side is skeptical.
Ambrose: Crap, I’m coming on too strong. How about this? I’d like to do what I can to make you comfortable and happy.
Warmth spreads in my chest when he intuitively understands I’m conflicted about our scent bond, and adjusts his behavior to make me more comfortable, just like he said he wants to. Who even is this man? He doesn’t seem real.
Camille: That sounds really nice. And the same goes for you and your pack. I want everyone else to be happy and comfortable, too.
Over a minute goes by with no response, and I grow concerned I said something wrong. Even though I can’t for the life of me think of what would’ve been offensive.
Is Ambrose having second thoughts about courting me? Has he realized he might jeopardize his pack’s comfort and happiness by trying to include me?
Finally, he sends a reply.
Ambrose: Knowing that you’re worried even a little about our pack’s comfort means so much to me. To us. Another sign we’ll be a good fit.
Oh. That’s definitely not wanting to call things off.
There’s more going on behind his words, but it’s not my place to pry. I should probably find out some more basic things about him before I dive in to deeper subjects.
I’m not sure how to reply. My omega wants me to echo his sentiment and tell him we’re perfect for each other, but I can’t be that reckless. I need to meet the full pack and get through our first date before I make any kind of assessment.
