Page 14 of Feeling the Heat: Part Two
Dahlia lets out a series of loud whines when she sees who is at the door, wriggling violently in Jackson’s arms in an attempt to get to River.
Honestly, I get it. My alpha is yelling at me to press my cheek to River’s chest and drink in the vibrations of his purr and his heady scent.
I step back to make room for River to come inside. “Hi. Thanks for coming.”
“Thank you for asking me to come,” he murmurs, his eyes flashing from mine over to Jackson, his posture tense like he’s afraid we’re going to attack at any moment.
Dolly wriggles so hard that Jackson loses hold of her, and River is there in an instant to catch the jumpy dog as she leaps toward him in her excitement. “Whoa there, Dolly! I missed you too, silly girl, but you have to be careful.”
She responds to him with a warbling sound and a big lick to his chin. When he looks away from her, she whines pathetically.
To my surprise, tears well in River’s. “I know, honey. I’m so sorry I’ve been gone.”
He’s speaking to Dolly, but his shame and regret are potent in the bond.
When River looks up, the tears are spilling down his cheeks. “Shit, sorry, I thought I’d be better at holding ittogether, but one of the side effects of experiencing my emotions instead of bottling them up is…this.” He waves his free hand at his tear-streaked face and gives a weak, watery laugh as Dolly whines again.
The instinctive urge to pull him to my chest and soothe him is overwhelming, but Jackson has the opposite reaction, scowling at River. “If you think crying is going to make everything okay, you’re wrong.”
River’s eyes flash up to meet Jackson’s indignant glare. I watch what in the past would’ve caused him to shut himself off and go cold, make him cringe. “Of course not.” He releases a shuddering exhale and sets a reluctant Dolly down, swiping under his glasses to try to stem the tide of his tears. “I don’t expect either of you to forgive me right now. Maybe not ever. I’ve been so stuck in my own head and bullshit that I was a terrible packmate. I fucked things up with Camille, and then with you. I know my saying sorry or crying doesn’t change that.”
River grimaces, and there’s a surge of frustration directed at himself as he speaks again, the words rushing out. “I wanted more time so that I could be better enough to do this apology right, but I don’t have it, and I’m terrified I’ll do or say the wrong thing and fuck up any shot at fixing things with you. Fixing things with our pack and our omega. Being the packmate you all deserve, not a selfish, emotionally constipated asshole.”
My chest aches so fiercely it’s hard to breathe. I want to believe him. I want nothing more in the world than to trust that my mate’s words mean something. But we’ve shared too many conversations where he promised to try harder and do better, and here we are.
“What you say or how you say it doesn’t matter,” I grit out, wincing at the fresh stab of pain from River’s end of the bond.
“Then I’ll show you. Please let me show you.” River reaches out like he’s going to touch my arm, but pulls it back with a heavy exhale.
Jackson and I exchange a look, and I can tell he’s struggling as hard as I am not to give our packmate a hug. Neither of us likes him sounding so broken, but there’s something reassuring in the raw edge to River’s tone and his presence in the bond. I’ve never seen or felt anything like it from him.
“So what’s changed?” Jackson crosses his arms over his chest and narrows his eyes at River. “Why do you think you can do what you couldn’t before?”
“Oh, I’m positive my efforts will be pathetic. Maybe I’ll fail. But I’ve been going to therapy twice a week, and Dr. Mike has made it abundantly clear to me what I need to do to change. And I’ve been working on it. I’m sure you can’t tell yet, but I’ll keep working on it. Probably will take me until the day I die to figure all my shit out,” he adds with a rueful huff.
My alpha can’t take it any longer. I’m over at River’s side and pulling him into my arms. He lets out a shocked puff of air as I squeeze him to my chest, my purring so intense it rattles all the way down to my toes. “I can tell,” I murmur, understanding the change I felt in him now.
River’s chest shakes in a mixture of his own purr and soft sobs as he clutches me back.
“Ugh, okay fine, I’ll give you a chance,” Jackson huffs. We both let out a muffled “oof” as he joins us, Jackson’s body colliding with River’s back until we’re squeezing him from both sides.
No one speaks for a long time, letting our bonds do the talking for us as we share our tangle of emotions. Eventually, Jackson releases us and steps back. I give River one more squeeze, and brush my cheek against his to scent mark him before pulling away.
We’re not healed yet, but it’s a start. As much as I should make him grovel, I’ve never been good at keeping my adoration for my mate at bay. I know I’ll cave to my need for him sooner rather than later.
Jackson clears his throat. “Okay, now that that’s settled, let’s talk about Camille.” He gives River an assessing look. “Please tell me you didn’t out her as an omega. Because I don’t think I can forgive you if you did it as some weird petty power play like she thinks you did.”
“No! Fuck, no, absolutely not,” River exclaims, raking a hand through his hair. “You saw me that day after I bonded her. I quit my job and was all in. I thought someone overheard us in my office or figured out that I bit her. She was so angry, she kept saying things about how cruel I was, and I thought it was because of the bond.”
Jackson nods, the confirmation an obvious weight off his chest. “Alright. I believe you. But Camille is convinced you did. No one else knew she was an omega other than you and her omega coworker, who wasn’t even in town when she got reported.”
I sigh. “Someone must’ve seen us together with her. Or noticed signs and put the pieces together. That’s not what matters. What matters is how we convince Camille to let us make amends and protect her from all the shit going on.”
River stiffens. “What shit? I still don’t know what’s going on with her.”
I grimace, thankful when Jackson takes the lead. “There’s an article on Alpha Net about omegas lying about their designation in the workplace that features her name and photo, and it’s gone viral. Some knotheads were talking at the gym about if she was bangable or not, and showed me the picture.”
River lets out a low growl that he follows with a cough. “Fucking scum.”
