Page 91 of Feeling the Heat: Part Two
“It feels like it,” River murmurs. He looks back up at me. “I’m going to tell you something that’s going to freak you out, so I need you to promise me you’ll listen and let me finish before you say anything. And I need you to understand that I’m telling you this because I know how precarious things with our pack are, and I need to address it when things aren’t…heated.”
All I can do is nod. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Say, “No, I don’t want to know whatever dark secret you’re going to confess to me”? I can’t. River is opening up after years of shutting himself away. I have to listen.
“Okay. Good.” River’s shaky inhale is followed by a solemn, slightly queasy look. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was about to deliver the news that I’m dying. “Fuck, I don’t know how to say this.”
“Just say it.” My reply is snippy, but I’m too on edge to care.
“Alright…When we met, I didn’t know you weren’t into men… I…I had a crush on you. As soon as I found out you were straight, I pushed those feelings away. Or I thought I did.” He lets out a humorless laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ve been working hard to acknowledge my feelings and be open about them, and that’s resulted in the feelings I thought I had control of resurfacing.”
Holy shit. Is he saying what I think he is? I want to say a million things, but snap my mouth shut when he gives me a pleading look.
“I hate burdening you with this. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I’m worried my attraction would become apparent during Camille’s heat, and I wanted to give you time to adjust to the knowledge that I like you. As more than justpackmates or best friends. Fuck, I think I’ve been in love with you this whole time. I don’t expect anything from you. I don’t expect you to want me. I just need you to know so that we can figure out a way to move past this. I promise I can still be a good?—”
“I think I’m gay,” I blurt, unable to contain the words even though I promised to let him finish. He looks so miserable as he confesses his love for me that I can’t hold back.
His mouth hangs open, and he blinks back at me, completely dumbfounded.
“Or, uh, bi. I’m still absolutely into women, but lately I’ve been noticing things. About you and Ambrose. Thinking about what those things mean.”
“W-what?” River croaks. He looks like his brain is short-circuiting with this information.
“You know I love you. You’re my best friend.” A lump of emotion clogs my throat, and I cough to clear it away. “But I think I like you, too. As more than a friend. I don’t want to lead you on because I’m still trying to figure out what that means…if it means I want…” My traitorous gaze drops to his crotch. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, dude,” I groan, palming my face.
“That’s okay!”
“Is it?” I groan again, overwhelmed with the sudden realness of what we’re discussing. River wants me. I’m pretty sure I want him. And Ambrose.
His fingers close around my wrist to pull my hand away from my face. “Hey. I promise, whatever you want, it’s okay. We can try or not try. Whatever you’re comfortable with.” His words are calm, but I can feel the trepidatious hope and desire through the bond. “Take some time to think about it. I’ll move at your pace, and if you decide it isn’t something you want to explore, we won’t.”
He’s standing close enough that I have to tip my head back a bit to meet his gaze. I never really thought about our height difference until this moment. Or about what it would be like to kiss someone taller than me. My tongue darts out to wet my lips. Now, it’s all I can think about.
“This isn’t how I expected this conversation to go,” River murmurs, the warmth of his soundless huff of laughter caressing my cheeks. His dark chocolate scent wraps around me, at once comforting and dangerously tempting.
“What did you expect?”
“I thought you’d freak out and never want to talk to me again,” he admits.
I scoff. “Seriously? I’m your best friend. We’re pack. Even if I didn’t reciprocate, I wouldn’t have done that.”
River sighs. “I know that rationally, but I’d built it up as this huge thing and…I don’t want to lose you. Ican’tlose you.”
The weight of this secret he’s been carrying for over ten years makes my chest ache for him. “You won’t.”
We linger in silence for a moment, before River’s gaze drops to my lips.
“I really want to kiss you.” The confession is barely more than a whisper.
Butterflies erupt in my stomach. “Okay.”
“If you don’t like it, I’ll stop.” The hoarse rasp of River’s voice makes me shiver.
“Okay.”
His throat works, and he nods, stepping closer until we’re chest to chest and his hand is on my hip and,oh.
River’s mouth on mine isn’t demanding. It’s tender and inquisitive and brain-chemistry altering. Who knew his lips were so soft or that his large palm resting against the sliver of skin between my shirt and my sweatpants would feel so intimate?
An embarrassing, breathy sound falls from my lips, and I reach out to steady myself with a hand on his waist.
