Page 32 of To Feel Like This Again
“I did,” I respond.
Stopping at the traffic light just outside the mall, I waste no time. I want to know what kind of asshole I am dealing with. “So, how was last night? … Did you have fun?” I ask calmly, not wanting to sound possessive but very curious as to how he will answer.
“Yea, it was fun.” Slouching back in the seat and raking his hand through his hair, he let out a long exhale.
“Why the sigh?” I ask, bracing myself for the web of lies… so I can blast him.
Men are all the same. Five years ago, Alex was fucking the secretary at his office, using my money to buy her expensive gifts, and when I confronted him about it, he had lied, and lied, and lied. He never stopped lying until I showed him the evidence.
And like an idiot, I forgave him and believed in his empty promises, his desperate attempt at saving our marriage — or rather, his passive income. Because that’s all I am to him. He was so desperate, he proposed date nights every Wednesday. We went on one date night, on the Thursday following his promise, because he forgot to make plans for the Wednesday.
But I let him get away with treating me like this. That wasn’t his first cheating rodeo or his second for that matter. In the meantime, I have been faithful to him over the years — until now.
I’m done with men lying to me and taking me for granted. Enough of this.
“I’m really sorry, Lisa. I made a big mistake. I slept with Emily last night. I understand if you don’t want to spend time with me again.”
The traffic light turns green.
I go silent. This isdefinitelynotwhat I had expected. I keep my hands on the steering wheel, diligently following directions from the female voice in Google Maps to the hotel.
His honestydoessomething to me. And in the moment, I don’t know what to do. I am lost.
For over thirty years, I’ve longed to feel this connection with someone. And, for the first time in my life, I feel emotions I never knew were a natural part of being with someone you’re really into. Nick awakened parts of me that I never knew existed.
I think of the promise I made to Mary, and more than anything in the world, I want Emily to find a good man, even more so after her toxic relationship had ended with her needing psychological help and having to overcome an extensive rehabilitation programme. I could never forgive myself if she had a relapse.
The closeness of him in the car makes it difficult for me to think straight. At a crossroad — literally and figuratively — my traitorous body gets the best of me and I reach across and hold his hand. “Thanks for being honest, babe.”
He raises my hand and kisses it… before kissing me reassuringly on the cheek. This calms me down. Nick drives me crazy in a goodandbad way. I realize there and then that he has the upper hand in whatever you want to call what we’re doing. He is definitely the alpha in this.
I love when he takes the lead… After a long week at work, when I close that office door, I don’t want to be the one giving orders.
“Ahm, what were you —"
His phone pings, “Give me a second,” he says, turning his attention to the screen. After quickly responding to a few messages (how the hell do these millennials type so fast?), “Yea, sorry, what were you saying?”
“Nothing important… Was that, Emily?” I ask while turning into the hotel, although I already know the answer.
“Yea, she just messaged me.”
“Are you seeing her tonight?”
“Yes, we’re watching a movie by her place… So, what were you saying?”
“It’s nothing really, I was just asking what you were doing at the mall?”
He unzips his knapsack and shows me a blue Victoria Secret’s thong.“I told you not to wear any underwear. You’re going to need this when I’m done with you,” he says, tossing it in my lap.
I am actually wearing underwear, but I’m definitely going to need an extra one because already I’m moist —who knew that that was still possible.
We exit the car and go to the front desk. The receptionist, trying to figure out what we are to each other, asks, “One room or two?”
“One room,” Nick confirms, putting his arm around my shoulder in a way that saysshe’s all mine.
In the suite, he sets the mood by pouring us some wine and playing love songs, turning up the volume to drown out the sound to come. He pays attention to every detail of my body, looking after parts that have long been neglected. I moan in waysI never knew was possible. I scream in ways I never knew was possible.
I have multiple orgasms —I didn’t even know this was possible.
