Page 43 of To Feel Like This Again
Confused, I navigate to screen timeout on the phone settings. It saysfiveminutes.
I lock the phone and toss it on the couch.
Anxious, I drag myself around the house looking for Emily, eventually finding her outside walkingChubble. Something we usually do together in the mornings.
“Good morning, luv,” I say.
She waves and continues to walkChubble. That’s it. She doesn’t even tell me “Good morning.”
While getting ready for work, I replay last night, over and over again, desperately trying to remember something useful but coming up blank.
How could Lisa send a note like that? … Although it was an email, we had agreed not to send anything that could implicate us. What the hell is wrong with her?
While waiting for Emily to finish getting dressed, I sit on the couch and stare at the email. I am hoping it will evoke a memory from last night. Still, nothing.
“I’m ready,” Emily says, walking into the living room and picking up her bag, signalling it is time to go.
She is still getting used to driving on the opposite side of the road, so I drop her at the office space she rents — on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings.
She is uncharacteristically quiet on the drive to work.
“The new pickleball court is now open,” I say, pointing to the state-of-the-art facility. “We should check it out this weekend.”
“Yea, sure,” she replies, when not so long ago she was frequently checking social media for updates on the opening date.
“The new season ofYouis coming out on Netflix tomorrow.”
“Yea, I saw that,” is her response to the show she literally binged-watched in one weekend, barely moving to eat.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, I am. Just a little tired. That’s all.”
And that pretty much sums up how the conversation went for the rest of the commute. Me trying to find things she was gung-ho about; she barely responding.
As I pull up to the entrance of the twelve-storey building, I give her achupsbefore she gets out of the car. “See you later hun.”
“Thanks love. Have a good day.” I can tell something really, really heavy is on her mind. She is fidgety, making three attempts to grab her coffee from the cup holder. And if that wasn’t enough, she left her phone in the car, banging on my car window right before I drive under the barrier.
On my way to work, alone in the car, I try to remember everything that had happened last night to the best of my unsober ability.Ifshe had seen the email, surely she would have brought it up immediately and demanded answers. It has to be something else. I replay our conversations, over and over in my head… to see if I had said anything inappropriate.Nothing. Oh wait, maybe it’s something I did. Was it because I had stepped outside to take a call? (because I didn’t want to disturb her while she completed her urgent work assignment). Did I leave the toilet seat up again? Alright, now I’m just being ridiculous.
I have no idea what is going on, but I just know it’s very serious.Major. And I don’t think it’s the email.
Yup, I am right. Less than an hour later, she messages me:
“Hey you. Can we talk tonight?”
“Sure. Am I in trouble?”I ask. But she had texted ‘Hey you’, so I doubt I’m in serious trouble. I am relieved. Thank God. I can finally concentrate on work. I would have been legitworried sick if she had sent:Nick. We need to talk tonight. Or worse:Nicholas. We need to talk tonight.
“No. I need to speak to you about something important when we get home.”
“Okay, sounds good. I’ll pick you up at 4:30pm.”
Okay, I lied, I cannot concentrate on work.Stilloverthinkingthings, I go on the road to keep busy and to get a few important things done.
I arrive at her rental space twenty minutes earlier than the agreed 4:30pm pick-up time. I am anxious to hear what she has to say. Plus, let’s keep it real, it’s not like I was being productive at work. Actually, I wasn’t even physically there for most of the day.
“Hey, I’m downstairs whenever you’re ready. I’m reading something for work. So, take your time,”I WhatsApp her, looking on the message periodically to see when the two ticks turn blue. Apparently, the blue ticks did not make her move faster as at 4:30pm on the dot I see her exiting the building.
