Page 39 of To Feel Like This Again
Almost on the verge of breaking down, I pause the conversation for another time. For when I’m ready. “I’m going to take a quick shower before we watch the movie,” I say, “Care to join me?”
“Right behind ya.”
In the walk-in shower, the warm water spraying against my hair, my heart racing, I look at her nervously as if this is our first time. With the water running down my face, camouflaging the tears, I search for her lips and close my eyes. The tears flowing a little faster down my cheeks.
“I love you,” I tell her, pausing our kiss a moment to stare into her eyes. Wait? What did I just do? Did I just say I love you?
“I love you too,” she says. Yes, I had definitely used the L word. My lips find hers again. And our passion explodes.
Five years ago, devasted by my girlfriend’s (Samantha Dixon) death. I had closed the door on relationships. Forever.
I swore I would never go down that road again.
At the funeral, for my eulogy, her parents gave me the blessing to place the engagement ring beside the enlarged picture of Samantha on the casket. Just like they had given me their blessing to marry her.
Witnessed by all our friends and family in the oldest Catholic church in Jamaica, I stood on the stage, microphone in hand, nervous, lost and frightened. My best friend, Mark, was preparing to project a pre-recorded video compilation on the screen in the church — I recalled when Samantha and I had made the individual videos.
“So, I have an idea,” I had said to Samantha as we sat on a bench at the park, two weeks after meeting her.
“Yeah, what’s that?” she asked curiously, crossing her legs and petting Ziggy, her energetic Pomeranian.
“Hypothetically, speaking… let’s assume we get married, have children, grandchildren and great grandchildren… I’d like to record key moments in our lives.”
“Okay, you have my undivided attention. Not even Ziggy gets that privilege.” She smiled, while Ziggy jumped in her lap, competing for attention.
“So, I’m thinking. Let’s call the Series ‘I do’… where I’ll ask you a question like ‘Would you like to go on our first, official date tonight?’ and you’ll respond, ‘I do’.”
“I love it. And do I get to hug you or something?” she asked.
“I’ll leave it up to your discretion. But whatever you decide, you have to stick with it throughout the series.”
Bringing me back to reality, Mark gave a nod and thumbs up, signalling he was ready to play the video for the congregation. The very same one that had been playing in the background on a projector at the park when Samantha arrived, thinking she was meeting me there for a picnic. Our closest friends were there to share in what was supposed to be a special day. After the third scene, the video ended. She had become teary-eyed, covering her mouth with her hands… in anticipation.
While I was bent on one knee, ready to ask for her hand in marriage, Samantha had collapsed to the ground, her face slamming against the pavement. Our friends had screamed and yelled and rushed to try and save her.
I spoke into the microphone, “Good morning, friends and family, please help me with this. Thank you.”
Mark pressed play and the video started.
Scene 1 – November 28, 2014
“Hey, Samantha… Would you like to go on our first, official date tonight?”
“I do.”
And she pecks me on the cheek.
Scene 2 – December 14, 2014
“Hey, Samantha… Would you like me to kiss you for the first time, after dinner tonight?
“I do.”
And she pecks me on the cheek.
Scene 3 – March 21, 2015
“Hey, Samantha… Would you like to be my girlfriend?
