Page 35 of A Murderous Crow
The complaint was a valid one and a point I could concede as well, however, that was by design. I didn’t precisely want her to catch feelings – nor did I want to fall victim to any, either.
“I see,” I hedged. “You would rather be loved than fucked?”
She sighed wearily. “Loved?” she scoffed. “I don’t see that happening. I thinkrespectedis a better word. I don’t mind doing dirty things, but I like to be able to participate. That just… it felt…”
“Defiling?” I supplied.
“Yes,” she whispered, and I could feel her hurt, almost palpably.
“I see.” I held her a little tighter and rested my lips on her shoulder, breathing her in, thinking furiously.
“I rather like defiling you,” I confessed, and she made a brittle little tittering sound that I think was supposed to be a laugh but fell woefully short of the mark.
“I didn’t mind the defiling at The Olde Pink House,” she murmured. “But this was… different. I don’t know why or how, but it was and it felt…”
“Gross?” I supplied.
“I was going to say ‘icky’ but that felt childish,” she said. “Gross seems too strong a word, but yeah… gross will do.”
“Hmm.” I was thoughtful.
“What are you thinking?” she asked softly after a time.
“I was thinking that I do so very much enjoy playing with you and your body, and that I would very much like to continue to do so. I like playing on the dark side. I like to be in control, but there's clearly a fine line between that and being overbearing. That was a line that was crossed with you, tonight.”
She sat with me, long and thoughtful in her pause as she soaked up what I said.
“One of my kinks is very much coercion. I love to coerce the reluctant, but judging by your reaction to round two, I may have missed the mark on consensual non-consent and sailed into much darker territory. A state of being I abhor, and would never want to be.”
I was deeply concerned by this point. That was exactly what had happened.
“I don’t know what to say,” she said finally. “I never expected to want anything like this, but…” she thought for a time. “I’ve never had anyone do to me what you do to me. I like it, but it terrifies me in some ways. I-I just think the being tied up this time was too much too soon?”
“You give me grace that I am wholly undeserving of,” I told her, and it was true. I could hear her in real time trying to diminish or minimize the trauma I’d dealt her, but I wasn’t deserving of a free pass.
On the contrary, I was well aware that there was absolutely no way in which I could even begin to make this kind of faux pas up to her. I said as much without confessing to any criminal culpability, even though I was well aware that, should she want to pursue it, she more than could.
She swallowed hard and rolled her head back along my shoulder to look up at me with those bright and innocent eyes of hers. I was quickly learning it was just who she was, and wasn’t a ploy at all – which was admittedly hard as hell to fathom with how she swum with the sharks as though she was one of us out in the real estate world.
A sheep in wolf’s clothing, if you will.
I gazed down into those twin blue pools, and she said, “I’m not looking for a relationship. I really, honestly, and truly would rather focus on other, more important things to me right now.”
“I’m not looking for anything close to a relationship, either. Just some debauchery and a good time in my own dark little fantasy world.”
The confession was an easy one to make, and one hundred percent true.
“I have definitely enjoyed more than I haven’t,” she said carefully, and pointedly wouldn’t look at me, a blush creeping up what I could see of her chest.
“Perhaps a different sort of deal is in order,” I suggested.
“Great sex, pushing boundaries, no strings attached?” she asked.
“Sounds good to me,” I said.
“You don’t get to push me around or pull one over on me during business hours. Business is kept strictly separate from… from whatever this is,” she said.
“One caveat,” I proposed. “You piss me off enough, I get to punish you however I see fit during one of our little dalliances.”
