Page 56 of A Murderous Crow
She was quiet and finally said softly, “Never, really. At least not a professional one. As for something like this…” she pondered.
“If you have to think about it, it’s been far too long,” I whispered into her ear and she nodded carefully, barely perceptibly.
“When was your last relationship?” I asked.
“End of high school. Beginning of college. Yours?”
“Hmm.” I thought about the last time I would have classified anything as arelationship, and honestly, my thoughts went back to Courtney. Which was boarding school… she was one of the girls. While the school was co-ed, the dorms remained segregated, but that didn't stop us from finding ways around it and getting it on, on the regular.
“If you have to think about it,” she said softly. “It’s probably been too long.”
I laughed at that and said, “Touché, Kitten.”
“Why do you ask?” she wondered aloud, and I sort of froze a little, dismissing it out of hand with a light shrug, which I’m sure she felt through my hands on her shoulders.
“Curiosity,” I murmured.
“So, you have multiple lives, too?” she quipped, and I chuckled.
“You only live once, as far as I’m concerned.”
“Hmm, so don’t believe in the hereafter, or reincarnation?” she asked.
“No,” I said simply.
“What do you think happens when we die, then?”
I worked my hands into her tense muscles gently and said, “I believe that’s it. We’re just snuffed out. Like turning off a television set – no power, no sleep mode, just… gone. Lights out, the end.”
She took in a shuddering breath and said, “That’s sort of sad, isn’t it?”
I shrugged again, “Not so much sad as the practical reality, really. It just is what it is.”
Her knees came up, and she hugged them, her shoulders gently pulling from my hands as she said quietly, “It sounds… lonely. I’d much rather believe there’s someone or something waiting on the other side for me.”
“What, like heaven?” I asked.
She laid her temple atop one knee and looked back at me.
“I don’t know if I believe in heaven or hell, per se,” she said. “Just… it’d be nice to think there’s something waiting on the other side. Your family or friends who have gone before you. I just… I don’t think anyone should die and then just cease to exist. That’s not fair.”
“Life isn’t fair,” I reminded her gently. “Death is even less so…” I trailed off, not really wanting to bring the mood down any further.
Inevitably, she asked, “What do you think happened to him?”
“Who?” I asked, carefully.
“The man you killed…” She was very still and very quiet now, her chin resting atop her knees. I trailed fingertips in the water and suds behind her and down her back in wet lines and sighed as I thought about it.
“I think he just stopped being,” I said. “Lights went out, and nobody’s home – but I’m sure if there is such a thing as Hell, or whatever, he’s roasting in it. He hurt you, and that is unforgivable,” I cleared my throat. “Likewise, if he was so cavalier in hurtingyou, a well-connected professional in your field, I have to imagine he’s hurt others before you. You don’t get that bold unless you’ve gotten away with it before.”
She sat up, and turned in the bath again, holding onto the edge of the tub and half-hiding her mouth behind her hands, her blue eyes sincere and cautious as she asked me; “Speaking from some sort of experience?”
I cocked my head, considered her, and decided to be honest.
“I would never touch a woman that way; that’s not my style. Dubious consent is fun to play with, such as in your case… but outright forcing a woman? That’s disgusting. Hitting and hurting? That shows a lack of restraint. I am a man, not a dog; I can’t say the same for the rest of my gender.”
“I can’t exactly say my gender is all sunshine and roses, either,” she murmured. “Nobody’s perfect.”
