Page 12 of Fighting Fate
The bed suddenly feels very chilly. Rolling away from him, I draw the blankets up over my shoulder and curl up in a ball. So much for trying to reach out and connect a little. I guess I’m only good for screwing, then rejecting all over again.
He’s quiet for so long, I’m already half asleep again before his voice pierces the silence. “I’ve lost a lot of important people in my life over the years. I know how it feels.”
Does he want a cookie?
“My brother and I could have been the same person. That’s what Mom used to say.” There’s almost a hint of humor in his voice. Until now, I’ve only heard him angry or frustrated. “Where one of us went, the other couldn’t be far behind. All of that ended the day a hunter clan tracked us into the woods and shot him not a hundred yards from where I was standing. I watched him fall. I watched him die.”
Anguish lances my heart when I try to imagine what that must’ve been like. It’s obvious from the sound of his voice the memory is still fresh, like my memory of finding Mom. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, rolling onto my back and staring at the ceiling like he does.
“My parents both died a few years later,” he continues. “I became the clan’s alpha, which I always knew would happen someday. I didn’t expect it to happen as soon as it did. And in the years since…”
He clears his throat like he’s feeling a little choked up, though I can’t be sure. He’s good at hiding himself. “We’ve lost a lot of our members. The elders are dying off. Younger bears are moving away, joining other clans or founding clans of their own in different territories. I can’t help but wonder if any of that has to do with me, since it seems like a lot of it coincides with me taking my dad’s place. The elders who’ve stayed have told me this started way before his death, but sometimes… I’m not so sure.”
No wonder he’s so torn about what to do with me. He’s probably worried about what’s left of his clan. Now I understand why he did all that pacing today.
“So I understand what it means to lose,” he concludes. “You’re not alone.”
Okay, so maybe he’s not totally a robot. I guess living alone like he does, there’s not a lot of opportunity to open up and learn how to share his feelings. “Well, thank you for waking me up from that nightmare,” I reply. Why is it so hard to talk to him? Oh, right, because he screamed in my face today and reminded me he will never, ever accept me.
It doesn’t feel that way when he reaches for me, though. He slides an arm under me and draws me close. I should tell him to stop, right? I should go all cold fish and stiffen up, unresponsive. I mean, he has gone out of his way to remind me we can never be. I would only be giving him what he wants.
But I want something more right now. Comfort. Warmth. Connection. That’s why I melt against him and let him stroke my back slowly, his touch falling into a rhythm that soothes me into peacefulness. This is all I want. To be in his arms, to feelhis warmth and hear his heartbeat and know I’m home. It’s that simple. Why does it have to be more complicated?
He complicates it pretty quickly when his touch turns into something more. Slower. Lingering. The arm wrapped around my body tightens, like he wants to crush me against him, both body and soul. I guess my soul alone isn’t enough. He wants all of me.
And the sudden rush of blinding heat that catches me and steals my breath is proof that I want it, too. I want it with every part of me. It’s so easy, the way the flame leaps to life and turns into a blaze that blinds me with its sudden intensity. “Little wolf…” he whispers against my throat.
This is different than before, outside under the open sky. I move against him, skin sliding against skin, burying my fingers in his hair so I can hold his mouth close.Yes, yes, my soul sings. This is all we need. This is how it’s meant to be.
Only it isn’t. I can’t pretend otherwise.
As soon as that thought enters my head, everything else is gone. My eyes snap open, and the fire goes out all at once while his heavy breathing and soft grunts continue.
No. I can’t let this happen. I can’t make it that easy for him to get what he wants, whenever he wants it.
Pushing him away is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, since all my body wants is more. “You can’t have it both ways,” I mutter, fighting to catch my breath and cool myself down a little. It would be so easy to give in, too. To deal with the fallout in the morning. Who needs self-respect, right?
But some things are too important to rationalize my way around, and this has to be one of them. “You need to either mate me or let me go. I meant it when I said it.”
A low, dangerous growl stirs in his chest and makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Right. I’m dealing with a verylarge, deadly bear, aren’t I? He could tear me limb from limb without breaking a sweat. And I’m denying him.
He doesn’t lash out, though. He can’t because of who I am to him, or maybe he has more self-control than I’ve given him credit for. It doesn’t matter why. It only matters that he rolls over, practically hugging the edge of the mattress to be as far away from me as possible while still being in the same bed.
Right away, I wish I never stopped him. Even if I know it’s right. All I can do now is try to piece my lonely, broken heart back together before sleep finally comes back around and pulls me under again.
Chapter 8
Kyran
The phone ringsnot long after dawn, and all I can do is silently curse whoever decided I’m not allowed to sleep lately. Is it too much to ask?
Tara barely stirs as I reach for the nightstand. She didn’t move once after falling asleep again. Lucky her.
It’s Lucas. My instincts brace me for what I hope isn’t terrible news—but let’s face it, it seems to be the only news I’m getting lately.
“The overnight scouts just reported back after taking one last look at the border,” he explains. I know from the tone of his voice there’s more to the story, which he confirms by adding, “There was a message. A note nailed to a tree with your name on it.”
“What did it say?” Sitting up, I scrub a hand over my face, aware of Tara’s change in breathing. She’s awake now and listening hard to every word.
