Page 25 of Scoring Zone
“The first time was when my sister broke her arm. She’d been following me around all day, and I was sick of her. I climbed a tree, knowing she wouldn’t be able to reach the branches toget to me. She tried anyway, and I laughed at her attempt to keep climbing. I knew she’d get hurt, but this thing in me, this darkness I can’t control, wanted to see her hurt. Knew that if she got hurt bad enough, she wouldn’t bug me all the time.” I hang my head in shame.
“What kind of monster wants to see his little sister get hurt? I was supposed to protect her.” My throat tightens, and it’s hard to swallow.
Gray tugs me to his chest, and I realize I’m crying.
“That must’ve been hard to deal with as a kid. You had a role in the family but also wanted some alone time.” His hand coasts up and down my spine. “I know from personal experience you need your downtime to recharge. You probably didn’t understand that as a kid and didn’t have the language to ask for what you needed.”
“Don’t excuse what I did. I made my sister fall and break her arm.”
My chest flutters with his insight. I’d never explored the reasons I needed to get away from her.
“I’m not. It’s called perspective.”
I don’t argue that it wasn’t an accident because I knew what would happen. He nudges me to keep talking.
“I can feel it coming out. It winds around my heart, squeezing in and getting pumped throughout the rest of my body. It’s black and sinister and wants to consume me and feeds on hurting people.” Not seeing his face makes it easier to say.
He tries to let go of me, but I cling to him.
Chapter 12
Grayson
Austin clutching me on the couch breaks my heart. He’s convinced he has something evil inside him and seems terrified of my reaction. I have a completely different interpretation of his issues, but he’ll argue, so we’ll work around it.
“I’m here. I believe you.” My arms tighten around him, and after a minute, I bring my hand to the back of his head to massage his scalp.
He sighs with relief. “You don’t think I’m crazy?”
“Yeah, no,” I say with a half laugh so he knows I’m serious. “As your best friend, I’m going to help you deal with the darkness in you.”
Austin rears back in surprise. “You can’t help. How can you help?” His tone goes from disbelieving to hopeful.
That is an excellent question, and I refuse to tell him I have no idea what I’m doing. “We’ll start with you telling me when it happens. Maybe we can figure out a trigger and work on it from there,” I say, and he deflates against me. My gut tells me herepresses big emotions to the point that he can’t recognize them and over the years has become fearful of them.
“Okay.” He turns and rests his head on my shoulder and my nose fills with his vanilla shampoo.
Austin’s parents love him immensely, but he grew up in a house where they didn’t express feelings, good or bad. If he was happy, they told him he was too boisterous, and sadness was a waste of time, and he should keep his chin up and anger…anger was unacceptable.
I’m not an expert, but after being in therapy for years, the accidental harm parents can do is astounding.
“What does that mean for us?” he asks in a small voice.
“It means that we continue being best friends and put things like kissing aside until you’re ready or decide it’s not for you.” This isn’t the time to be selfish. My belly clenches with the suspicion that he won’t be able to handle a serious relationship.
“Thank you.” He twists his neck to press his lips on my shoulder, and the quick contact on my shirt is enough to send sparks through my entire body.
Hopefully, my attempt to help doesn’t end in disaster.
We’re a few minutes late to Liska and Trevor’s apartment, and Lucky starts right in.
“Glad you could join us, Gray. Thanks for fitting us into your life that’s so busy you ditch us,” he quips, and gets an elbow from Drake. “What? It’s true.”
“I’m surprised you could tear your eyes away from Drake long enough to notice.” I slap my palm against Lucky’s waiting one. My brain sort of skitters around the fact that he’s upset I didn’t go out the other night with the team. It’s surreal.
Benz and Griff look to be consoling King in the corner while Leo watches.
“It’s always something with you nuggets.” Finn joins Austin, Drake, Lucky, and me at the kitchen island.
