Page 63 of Scoring Zone
His weight grounds me as I listen to him breathe and faintly feel his heartbeat. This is heaven.
When I wake up, he’s no longer on top of me. Missing his weight, I’m driven to tug him back, but I’ll wake him if I do. I settle for being the big spoon and wrapping myself around his body.
“Love waking up with you.” He kisses my forearm. “I hate it when we can’t sleep together.”
“Me too. Damn rules. Maybe I’ll sneak you into my home game hotel room.” I nibble on his ear.
“Mr. Perfect Rule Follower breaking the rules? I’ll believe it when I see it,” he scoffs.
“I’d do anything for you.” My voice is rough with emotion. It’s true, but the darkness still lives in me and I could let him down even if I don’t physically hurt him.
“I know,” he says and rolls to face me. “You’re my person.”
Morning breath be damned, I kiss him.
“Talk to me, Tinny.” We share my pillow. I could pretend not to know what he’s talking about, but I won’t lie to him.
“How can you be so sure of me when I’m not?” It’s frustrating to crave him and stress out that it will trigger something terrible.
“In some ways, we know each other better than we know ourselves. Sometimes we have to fake it until we make it.” He bites his lip and reaches for his phone. “It’s easier said than done. I started using an app to help me.” He shows me an app for anxiety and intrusive thoughts. He hits play on an acronym for overcoming fear. “This is one tool, or you could use journaling,affirmations, or meditation. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”
“Do you use it for the guy’s sexy accent?” I ask to change the subject.
Gray glances away and clears his throat. “I’ve never told you this before, but my mind tells me I don’t fit in. Most of the time, I feel like I’m an outsider tagging along in your life.”
“Sunshine.” I cup his cheek and force him to look at me. “You’re my rock. I’m a disorganized disaster if left to my own devices. You are the only person in my life who makes it easy for me to just be myself and relax. I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. And that is invaluable to me.” My thumb strokes under his jaw.
“I love being that for you. That you trust me to be here and catch you if you fall or bring you back if you’re overwhelmed.”
“You are.”
We lie in silence and listen to the voice explain how to invite your fear in and accept it. It reminds me of Gray telling me to bring things into the light to take away their power.
It’s a short audio file, and we stare at the screen until it ends. Gray flips his phone over, and I internalize the words, and they make me brave enough to trust Grayson.
“I chose the flogger the night before last because it’s not as loud or as personal as a spanking.” He runs his knuckles over my stubble. “Let me show you how trustworthy you are.”
I need our physical expression of love to match our emotional connection. Once again, those three words are on the tip of my tongue, but I don’t say them. I’m not sure if he means to show me now or in general. I lose myself in him, swept away with love and longing.
I’m not rushing this. It’s my turn to worship him.
As I kiss each knob on his spine, goosebumps appear on his arms, which makes me smile. He’s taken by surprise when my hand cracks his ass.
“Yesss,” he hisses, speaking into the app on his phone. “Hey Annie, set another timer for five minutes.”
“Tell me if you want to stop before the alarm.” I knead his pink flesh.
“I would’ve set it for fifteen minutes but thought you might get twitchy.” He wiggles his lower half.
“Twitchy.” I tap his balls. “We’ll see who’s twitchy.”
“Me. Pick me.” His laugh morphs into a groan as my caress becomes a thunk.
“I’ll always pick you, Sunshine. You’ll never have to worry about where you stand with me. You’re mine.” My goal is to show him with my words and actions that he’s the center of my world. It kills me that he hasn’t realized that without him, I’m nothing.
I take in the expanse of his back and the round curve of his ass, needing to take my time to get started. I’ve watched the spanking video several times on my own and follow its instructions as his skin turns pink. “Do you like the strikes or the thuds better?”
“Both. All. Don’t stop.”
