Page 65 of Scoring Zone
He automatically syncs with me, then falls on his side laughing.
“I think I’m dying, and you…you ask me about King?” he huffs.
“It worked, didn’t it.” I take a fistful of his short hair and yank his head back to kiss him. “You scared the hell out of me. Tell me what happened.”
His eyes skate away, and his jaw tightens.
“Hey.” I tuck my head under his chin so he’s not self-conscious. “I love you, and I’m not going to judge you. All I want is to figure out how to avoid what happened.”
“It was so fast,” he croaks. “Pure joy telling you the words I’ve been holding back, and then there was no air.”
I’m nodding into his neck. “That must’ve been terrifying.” I leave the sentence hanging as if it’s a question.
“Godfuckingdamnit.” He goes limp.
“What?” I surge up to check his pupils.
“The answer is shame. Victoria asked me to connect the similarities in my episodes of darkness, and it’s shame. I’m sorry I scared you.”
“That makes sense.” I curl back into his chest. “It’s a hugely powerful emotion. If it were anyone else, it wouldn’t have been scary, but it’s hard to watch the man I love have a panic attack.” I cradle his head.
“Say it again.”
“Tinny, I love you.” My voice is loud in the quiet of his room, happy to chase all remnants of shame away.
“Again.”
“Tinny, I love you so much it scares me.” I breathe out.
“Me too,” he says in a small voice.
“At least we can be scared together.” I roll so he’s on top of me. My head swims with theories I’m afraid to verbalize. Pushing him to face something he’s not ready for won’t make it better.I could make it worse, and I would do anything to ensure he doesn’t suffer.
“Sunshine?”
“Yeah?” I look up into his sky-blue eyes.
“I don’t ever want to be without you. Ever. I love you.”
“Good.” I pinch his ass to lighten the moment, hiding my relief that he can say the words without passing out again. “Now you’re stuck with me. No takesies-backsies.”
Austin’s laugh fills the room, but his face crinkles with anxiety. “You haven’t pulled that since middle school.”
“That’s how serious I am,” I deadpan. His features relax, and my concern bleeds away too.
“Don’t have a note handy with an appropriate quote to express my love.” His fingers tenderly glide through my hair. “How we got here is unbelievable, but my life is so much better because of it.”
“Your words are better than a quote because they’re real. You were solidly in the friend zone because I wouldn’t have fucked up our friendship for a…” I wave my hand, trying to conjure words. We’ve crossed so many friendship boundaries, but I don’t regret it.
“For sex,” he finishes for me.
“Right,” I agree, with a hug. The only significant time I spent away from him was the year he got pulled up to the NHL and I stayed in Michigan to finish my undergrad degree. He convinced me to live with him in New York to do my grad work. I can’t imagine life without him.
“This—us—was never about sex.” Austin sounds unsure, and I hope to turn the tables on him.
“We are so much more than that, but don’t even try to tell me after you planted the best kiss of my life on me that you didn’t have sex on the brain.” My light tone teases him as I lick into his mouth.
“Maybe ten-percent about sex.”
