Page 24 of Scoring Zone
I’m weak for him, but with my last shred of sanity, I rip myself out of his grip. “I can’t be with you. Ever. It doesn’t matter what we want. You’re not safe with me.” I’m panting, and my chest heaves as if I’ve been skating for hours.
“Tell me why.” He tries to get closer but stops when a broken sound leaves my throat.
I tug at my hair, but the strands are too short to really pull. “Take my word for it,” I say in exasperation.
“No.” He stares at me unblinkingly.
I flinch, taken aback. “No? You can’t say that.”
His mouth turns up. “I just did. Here’s the thing, I would be a terrible friend if I let this go.”
“A terrible friend?” I repeat with my one working brain cell. I should retreat to my room and hope he forgets about this. But he won’t, so I stay where I am.
“Yes, we’re friends first, and my friend”—his crooked smile makes my heart stutter—“is concerned about causing me harm. A friend wouldn’t let you suffer, so I’m offering my help.”
“That won’t work.” I stride away and flop on the couch, wishing I could make him understand.
“How do you know if you don’t try? The Austin Lapointe I know would never give up without maximum effort first.” He sits close enough for our legs to touch, and his are bare.
“You can’t dare me into having sex.” I shift away and then back because this is innocent and I’m allowing myself this tiny piece of him. This minimal contact from my forbidden friend.
Gray’s laughter spreads over me like honey. “I’m not daring you; I’m stating facts.” His smile falls away. “Tinny, you don’t trust yourself. It’s not like you, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you figure this out.”
“I trust you,” I say. It sounds like a simple statement, but it’s not. Trusting someone the way I trust Gray is a once-in-a-lifetime bond. We have years of good and bad times we’ve been through, depending on each other.
Gray picks up my wrist, and at first, I’m confused, but he holds up his hand and muscle memory takes over as we go through the friendship handshake we thought was so cool when we were eleven.
“Without words, you knew what to do. I trust you the same way you trust me.” He cuts me off before I can object. “You’ve earned that trust. If you’re concerned, I’m concerned. We can work through it.”
If I tell him about what’s inside me, he’ll think I’m crazy. We could end up on a reality exorcist show. The taglines for two hockey players trying to find love but who need a quick exorcism are endless:Darkness puts love on thin iceorIce and hellfire combust, injuring an Enforcer’s player.
“Why are you smiling?” His hand rubs my knee. Lucky knee.
“You’ll have me committed to the psych ward if I tell you.” My body betrays me, and I lean into him.
“There’s nothing you can tell me that will change how I feel about you.”
Once, I tried to tell my mom, but she said speaking like that was inviting the devil in. Grayson won’t think that.
“I’m guessing whatever is going on isn’t going away. You don’t need to deal with it alone. If hockey has taught you anything, I hope it’s that you’re stronger as a team. Let me be on your team.” His earnest eyes innocently ask the impossible.
“Compromise,” I say slowly, thinking it through. He can’t get too close, but if he understands, it might help me deal with it.
“Of course.” He scoots closer so the shin of his bent leg rests along my thigh.
I close my eyes and take a long breath in. Trust is one of the hardest things to give.
“I’ve told you that in the past I’ve been angry and sort of black out and don’t know what I’ve done.” His silence allows me to gather my courage and keep speaking. “It’s more than anger. I have this darkness inside me that I keep locked away. Sometimes it comes to the surface, and whenever it does, bad things happen to people I care about.”
Gray’s facial expression doesn’t change, and he doesn’t move away.
“And you’re afraid of it,” he states as a fact, but I am compelled to answer.
“Yes, wouldn’t you be?” I snap and regret it.
“I’d never choose something that I thought would hurt people. Tell me more…like the first time and what you remember about the times it’s happened.”
He’s even closer, with our shoulders touching, and it strengthens my resolve to tell him what he wants to know.
