Page 88 of Scoring Zone
“I owe you one,” I say instead of hello. “The press was a nice touch.”
“That part was pure luck and a hockey fan.” He chuckles. “I hope it puts pressure on the lawyers to drop the charges against Ward. Not gonna lie, the police are mad about it.”
“Thanks again, I gotta roll.” I hang up to answer Gray’s call.
“When are you coming back?” I blurt out. In my bones, I know Rhys’s statement along with the two women will be the tipping point to end this nightmare.
He hesitates and dread poisons my mind. My finger hovers over the video button as I rush out of the locker room and find an empty room.
His tired face has a small smile when he answers my video call. “Tinny,” he rumbles, and his use of my nickname eases my tension. “How’s your ankle?”
Of course he’s worried more about me. “Totally fine. A strange phantom pain that’s gone.” I beg, “Come home. It’s not over, but I miss you and need you.”
His eyes get glassy, but he shakes his head on the pillow. “It’s not that simple.”
The darkness rises, but it’s my fear of rejection. Of loving Grayson with my whole heart and not being loved back. It’s not darkness, it’s despair.
“Sunshine, you’re not here to lift me up. I need you.” My entire world crumbles as I realize I’m begging him to love me. “I give zero fucks about headlines,” I snarl. I regret my tone as his face crumples and decide to switch tactics. “All this means nothing if you’re not by my side. I’d rather never score another goal than score a hundred more without you.”
He covers his face with his hand. “I love you, but there’s a snowstorm and I’m stuck.
Chapter 38
Grayson
I sit in the recliner and watch the snow continue to fall. My parents were right; if they hadn’t left when they did, they might not have made it to my brother’s house. It’s been snowing for days, and the schools are closed. All the flights are delayed or canceled.
Not being able to leave is killing me. Austin thought I was giving up on us, and that is not acceptable. His doubt, even for a second, crushes me because I should be the one he can count on.
The bottle of whiskey is heavy in my hand, and I rub my heart with the other.
I’m to blame for him not being in the right headspace to play hockey. I made the wrong decision by coming here, and now I’m trapped in the snow. We’re both unraveling, and it’s too dangerous to go back to him. I take another sip of whiskey.
I’m hurting the man I love because I’m scared that someday in the future he might change his mind.
I
Am
An
Asshole.
He begged me to come home, but I stubbornly thought I knew better. My reasons for waiting were based in fear, not reality. And I made it so much worse.
Austin has worked hard for his career, and he can’t retire for me. It will be the kill shot to our relationship.
He’ll be happy at first. But I’ve felt the shock of not playing hockey. Little things will sneak up on him. He won’t be on the All-Star team, and that day will be a gut punch. If the team makes a run for The Cup without him, the FOMO will eat at him. He’ll be lost on draft day and during rookie training camp because he won’t be taking new players under his wing.
A hundred little moments will add up to a gaping hole in him. He’ll resent me because of his retirement. Austin might not do it purposefully, but the bitterness will grow, creating distance between us.
I should’ve gone home yesterday when I had the chance. Missing him is a physical ache.
The thought of him making a statement about his sexuality while I’m away haunts me. I need to be there for him. He doesn’t fully understand that he won’t come out once. It’ll be necessary to come out every time he meets someone new. He’ll have to come out hundreds of times. His parents were easy compared to the hate he’ll receive from anonymous people hiding behind their screen names.
I bring the bottle to my lips and take another swig, wallowing like a child. Austin’s been clear he wants us and for me to be with him. I’ve given him a reason to doubt my love and commitment.
I’ll call him first thing in the morning. There’s too much whiskey in me to talk again tonight, and even with one eye closed, I can’t see my phone to send a text.
