Page 60 of Merry Mayhem
I haven’t looked at the list of activities. I don’t know what else is ahead. I’ve been way too wrapped up in this woman and just being here. But I love that she doesn’t want Muriel and Patty to struggle with the activities.
I slowly nod. “Fine. Let’s go find our new teammates.”
Thea smiles as if I just told her she’s won a year’s supply of frosted sugar cookies, and I realize I’m a goner. The woman could ask me to drink two gallons of eggnog, and I’d ask if she wanted me to also eat some figgy pudding. I don’t even know what that is, but I don’t want to.
“Muriel, Patty, this is Josh Evans,” Thea introduces me a minute later.
Patty pulls her cherry red sunglasses off her nose and nods. “Hello, Josh.”
She is a beautiful and sophisticated-looking older woman with deep smile lines around her mouth and eyes, and snow white hair that is curled in perfect waves away from her face. She’s wearing bright red lipstick that matches the sunglasses and the silk scarf around her neck. She’s otherwise dressed in all white, from the thin sweater to the wide-legged pants to the boots on her feet.
Interesting choice for an outdoor activity.
“Nice to meet you,” I tell her.
“You ever find those big shoulders are a problem?” Muriel, the woman to Patty’s left, asks.
Muriel looks much like her twin sister, of course, but Muriel is…more. On top of her bright white hair, she’s wearing a multi-colored turban. She’s got on grape-purple eyeglasses that dwarf her face. She’s dressed in a long tunic in a multitude of colors—more purple, along with turquoise, hot pink, and orange—and black pants. Overall, she’s got on a pink fur coat.
“I um…” Her question throws me off. “In what way?”
“What kind of question is that?” Patty scolds.
“What? I’m just curious,” Muriel asks. “You want me to start with if he likes cat or dogs more?”
“You don’t need to ask him anything!” Patty says.
“Why can’t I ask him things? We’re human beings. We are supposed to talk to one another. And I’m an old woman. I don’t know how much time I’ve got left, so I feel like I should start with questions I actually want the answers to. I don’t care if he likes cats or dogs, but I’m curious if having wide shoulders and big arms like those gets in the way. When Russel and I wouldmake out in the car, his wide shoulders were a hindrance to him reaching my?—”
“Stop it,” Patty snaps.
“Myzipper,” Muriel says. Then she shoots me a sly smile that says she didn’t mean zipper at all.
“I um…” Then I nod. “There have been two times when I needed to get into a car to rescue a victim, and I needed another paramedic to do it instead because my shoulders were too big to fit in the space.”
Muriel looks triumphant. “Exactly. You need lots of space to do your best work.”
Is that an innuendo? I look at Thea quickly. She doesn’t look shocked at all. I can only assume that itisan innuendo, and that’s not unusual for Muriel.
“My Russel had wide shoulders, and we got a big old SUV to accommodate.”
“Russel was your third husband, wasn’t he?” Thea asks. “You were married to him…later on.”
“What’s your point?” Muriel asks her.
“That maybe some of Russel’s trouble with reaching…everything…when you were making out in a car was that you were both old and not as flexible,” Patty interjects.
Oh my God.
“Well, I did start wearing more muumuus,” Muriel says. “That wasn’t just because I don’t like waistbands. You can go without panties pretty easily under a muumuu, and hiking it up is?—”
“Stop trying to be shocking,” Patty interrupts. “These two came over to chat.”
“I’m trying to behelpful,” Muriel says. “Old people are supposed to share wisdom with younger people.” She squints at Thea. “You remember what I said about muumuus, okay?”
Thea nods. “I’m afraid I won’t be able tostopthinking about it, Muriel.”
Muriel chuckles.
