Page 92 of Merry Mayhem
Ellie is the only one in this room who knows my truth.
“How mad are they gonna be if I’m not in love with Violet?” I ask her softly.
“Violet’s a great girl.”
“I know. But she’s not the right girl. She’s not the one.”
“You’re sure? She just got home.”
“It’s not about her so much as it is about already finding the girl. The one. Someone else.”
Ellie reaches out and takes my glass from my fingers, takes a long drink of my cocktail, and hands it back. She doesn’t even grimace.
“Have you told Violet that you’re in love with Thea?”
It’s not just the whiskey that makes me react with absolutely no surprise to Ellie Landry knowing exactly who I’m talking about. Ellie always knows everything.
“No. I thought that was probably Thea’s thing to tell her. I did tell her there was someone else, though.”
Ellie laughs. “Oh wow, I give her about five minutes tomorrow to figure it out. She’s a smart girl.”
“For Violet to figure it out?”
“Honey, you’re a wonderful firefighter and paramedic, you’re funny, you don’t have a bad singing voice, and you’re a pretty decent shot on the basketball court from what I’ve seen, but you're a terrible actor. If you feel about Thea the way you feel about the other people in your life, you’re not gonna be able to hide it even if you try.”
Ellie has known me for about two years. She is surrounded by people who live life loud and fully. They love hard. I consider everything she just said about me to be a compliment.
“I don’t wanna cause problems for anybody,” I say.
“And why not?”
I snort. “Because being a problem for people is generally a bad thing.” I should know.
“When you started going to the support group for gambling, were your friends and family happy for you?”
I confessed about my past to Ellie and Leo a long time ago. “Very.”
“And when you got your gambling debts all paid off, did they hug you and tell you they were proud of you?”
“Yes.” Leo and Ellie had also hugged me and told me they were proud of me.
“And when you went a year, and then two, without gambling, were they excited for you?”
“Definitely.”
“And when you got through the fire academy, were they happy and did they celebrate for you?”
“They did.”
“So even though you were a “problem”,” she says, making air quotes, “They still cheered for you and supported you and loved you, right?”
“Of course.”
“So you know, firsthand, that you can make mistakes and still be loved.”
I nod, my throat tight.
“Be a person who lives your life in such a way that when you find love and joy, the people around you are thrilled for you. You’re doing that, Josh. And I can promise you that Thea Chabert lives that life. You two being crazy about each other might surprise people for a minute, but they’ll be happy for you both. Trust that you deserve this and that good people will believe that. And fuck the people who don’t.”
