Page 43 of Perfectly Complicated
The moment the words leave my mouth, I want to take them back—not just one statement, but all three of them. Especially when I see the lines deepen between his brows and his entire body stills.
This was supposed to be light and playful, not a therapy session. “Are you sure you want me to guess this?” he says slowly.
I nod, even though I should stop the game now and head to bed.
“I want them all to be lies,” he says, his voice low.
“They’re not all lies, only the last one.” I can’t look at him now because the truth feels too awful. “Nick had an affair with my best friend…a girl I’ve been friends with since elementary school.”
“Janie.” The way he says my name, low and furiously, would be frightening if I didn’t know his anger wasn’t directed at me.
“The affair went on for years,” I say. “Even when I found out I was pregnant, he didn’t stop.” The words pour out now, like a dam breaking. “I told her before anyone else about Aria—even Nick. She hugged me and said she was so happy for me, and the whole time she was…” My throat clogs with emotion.
His jaw tics, the tension radiating off of him. “I want to find this guy and?—”
“You’re angry.” It comes out more as a statement than aquestion.
“Of course I’m angry,” he growls out. “What kind of person does that to someone they’re supposed to love?”
I drop my head, the shame creeping in. “You’d be surprised how many people ask what I did wrong. What I did to drive him away. Like it was my fault he didn’t stay.” My hands curl into fists. “He confessed after I told him I was pregnant. A month later he was gone…”
“Janie.” His hand finds my arm, and even though it doesn’t mean anything, it’s what I desperately need right now.Someone who won’t judge me or cast blame. “You didn’t do anything wrong. He’s the one who messed up. Not you.”
I want to believe that’s true. But since the day I found out, I’ve gone through all the mistakes I’ve made, all the ways I could’ve changed things.Was I not enough?What did I do to deserve this?
“Hey.” His thumb starts rubbing slow circles on my wrist, and I’m startled by the gentleness in it. “Look at me.”
My gaze meets his.
“Do you hear me?” His fingers move to my hand and pry open my fist. “Youdidn’t do anything wrong.”
“Then why does it feel like I did? Like I didn’t love him enough?”
“Because that’s exactly what he wants. To make you think you’re the problem so he doesn’t have to face what he did.” His free hand cups my face. “But I’ve already seen you, Janie Bennett. The way you love your daughter, the way you threw yourself into trying to help me—a lost cause who hates your favorite holiday. Because youactuallybelieve there is something worth saving in me. That’s not someone who doesn’t give enough. That’s someone who gives everything.”
He pauses as his thumb slowly brushes my cheekbone. “And a man who threw that away? He’s the broken one, not you.”
I blink back the tears, but one still slips outbefore his finger gently swipes it away.
“I mean it, Janie. If he couldn’t see what he had, that’s his loss.”
I take in a breath, trying to regain my composure. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to fall apart on you.”
“Don’t.” His voice is firm. “He hurt you. You’re allowed to be angry and sad.”
“I just thought I was past this. It’s been over a year.”
“Don’t apologize for being human. Some things take longer to heal.”
He keeps his hand on my face for a few beats longer, and I forget we’re supposed to be keeping our distance. Right now, I’m too exhausted to know if this is a mistake.
“We should probably get some sleep,” I say finally, but neither of us moves.
“Yeah.” His thumb traces one more path across my cheek before he drops it.
I shift closer, leaning into his warmth and let my eyes drift closed.
“Hey.” He rubs my shoulder lightly. “You can’t sleep until you actually reach the bed.”
