Page 76 of Perfectly Complicated
“How is she?” he asks, not stopping to take off his jacket.
“The same,” Jaz says, coming down the stairs. “The bath helped, but she’s still running a fever.”
He immediately starts pulling out items from the bag. He not only bought the infant pain reliever, but a digital thermometer, a rehydration drink in three different flavors, and what looks like half the baby section of the local pharmacy.
“I wasn’t sure what might work.” He turns the pain reliever bottle around, reading the dosing instructions on the back. “I hope she likes bubblegum flavor. But if not, I also got cherry.” Rourke pulls the second container from the bag. This man thinks of everything.
Aria immediately turns her face away when I try to put the syringe in her mouth.
“Maybe I can help?” Rourke says, kneeling next to us. “Hey, Aria…want to sing your favorite song?”
Without any hesitation, he launches into the sweetest rendition of “Hush, Little Baby.” His voice is low and rumbly, completely unselfconscious as he sings. Aria’s crying slows down until she quiets, her feverish eyes focusing on his face.
“And if that mockingbird don’t sing, Daddy’s going to buy you a diamond ring…”
The singing distracts her enough so she doesn’t notice when I squeeze the syringe into her cheek.
“She took it,” Jaz whispers with relief.
“That’s my girl,” Rourke says, giving Aria a kiss on her nose before stroking her hair away from her sleepy face.
“She should probably have a diaper change before I puther down,” I say.
“I can do it,” Rourke offers, holding his hands out for Aria. “Janie?”
I’m so exhausted I can barely think straight. But the part of me that’s been doing everything alone for so long doesn’t know how to let go. Even when I desperately want to.
“Are you sure?” I ask. “Her forehead is so warm. What if she cries again?—”
“Then I’ll figure it out,” he says. “Like you have been all night.”
My arms tighten around her for a second—an instinct I can’t control especially when my baby’s sick.
Rourke notices me hesitate. “Hey,” he says softly. “Let me help.”
I let her go, watching as he cradles her against his chest.
“I’ll be right here if you need me,” I say, unable to help myself.
“I know.” He’s humming softly to Aria as he heads for the stairs. “But I won’t.”
I stand there watching until they disappear, my arms feeling empty and strange.
Jaz slides on her coat, studying me. “He’s a really good man, Janie.”
“I know.” I give her a weak smile. “So why is it so hard for me to give up control?”
“Because you’ve been doing everything yourself for so long, you forgot what it feels like to have someone actually show up for you.” She pauses, sliding her phone into her pocket. “Nick taught you that depending on a man means getting hurt. But Rourke’s not Nick.”
“I know that too.” I wrap my arms around my knees, suddenly feeling like she sees more of me than I realized. “What if he gets tired of all the messiness that comes with a family?”
“And what if he wants the mess?” Jaz counters.
“I don’t know how to trust that,” I say.
“Then start by trusting what you can see. He’s here. He showed up. That’s evidence, not just promises.” She opens thedoor, then glances back. “Now get some sleep before you fall over. Exhausted moms make the worst decisions. Trust me, I’ve made plenty.”
After she heads out the door, I collapse onto the couch, thinking over her words before my body finally surrenders to sleep. The next thing I know, I’m blinking awake in the dim lamplight. The house is silent—no crying, only blessed silence—before I remember Aria’s fever. I sit up with a start, then I see them.
