Page 98 of Perfectly Complicated
“Rourke.” I slide my palms to his shoulders. “You're not protecting people from you. You’re punishing yourself for something you didn’t do.” I search his face, needing him to hear this. “I’ve seen who you really are—the way you showed up for me and Aria when you didn't have to. The way you held my daughter when she was sick, how you are with her when no one’s looking. You’re not your father, Rourke. You never were.”
He meets my eyes then, and there’s only gratitude in them, like he needed someone to see the light in him, the goodness underneath all that pain. “You make me want to believe that.”
“Then believe it,” I say with conviction. “Because I do.”
For a moment, we stand there in the glow of the lights, the arena quiet except for the soft music in the background.
“You know,” he says softly. “I’ve never told anyone about my dad. Not in that way.”
I tilt my head. “What made you tell me?”
His gaze searches mine. “Maybe it’s because you don’t judge me for it. I can hand you the ugly parts and you don’t run.” He drops his chin to his chest, before giving me a crooked smile. “Unless I already scared you off?”
I shake my head firmly. “You can’t scare me, Riley.”
“Good. Because you’re basically stuck with me until the pageant is over.”
“Onlyuntil the pageant?” I ask, tilting my head.
“Well, I might be convinced to stay a little longer,” he teases.
“At the very least until Christmas. I need someone to break my bad streak with the holidays.”
He studies me for a moment, like he’s not going to let me dodge with humor. “Bad streak? I thought there was just one.”
I exhale, looking down at the ice. “There were others before it. Warning signs I should’ve noticed. Like theyear we went to Nick’s holiday work party and he told me he didn’t feel attracted to me anymore.” I grab the wall, leaning against it. “I thought if I just tried harder, worked out more…maybe I could fix whatever was wrong with me.”
Something twists inside me at the memory. “Then there was the Christmas Eve he said he had to work late, when really he was with Lia.” I shake my head, trying to rid myself of the dull ache inside my chest. “I started to wonder if anything between us had ever been real. It only confirmed what I was starting to suspect—that I wasn’t really what he wanted. That I was just…” I stare at the ice. “The woman he settled for.”
“Stop.”
When I look up, his eyes are blazing. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s okay.”
“No. It’snotokay.” He steps closer and frames my face with his palms. “Janie, when I saw you coming down those stairs tonight, I literally forgot how to breathe. You weren’t just beautiful—you were devastating.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying not to get emotional. “You don’t have to say that?—”
“I’m not saying it to make you feel better. I’m saying it because it’s true.” His thumbs stroke my cheeks lightly. “Look at me.”
When I do, he’s watching me.
“You want to know what you do to me?” He takes one hand and places it flat against his chest, over his heart. “This is what happens every time you’re near me. Every time you smile, every time you laugh, every time you look at me.”
His heart thunders under my palm, but it’s his expression that shakes me to my core.
“Your ex was an idiot,” he says, unflinching. “And if he couldn’t see what he had, that’s his loss. Because, angel…” He shakes his head like this moment is breaking and healing him all at the same time. “You see the man I could be, and you make me believe it too.” He tucks a wisp of hair over my ear. “And I want to spend the rest of my life showing you what it feels like to be treasured.”
The rest of his life.
The words feel like an earthquake. No one has ever said anything like that to me. Not even Nick on our wedding day.
These tears that always seem to be hovering on the edge of my eyes are about to spill over.
I let out a half sob-laugh, unable to hold back the emotion that clogs my throat. “Rourke…”
He tips his forehead to mine, brushing away the tears with his thumb. “Janie, this is all new for me, caring about someone this much. I want to try to be part of your life, yours and Aria’s. Because I want all of you. The good. The hard. Every single part of you.” He pauses, and in his expression is something so raw, so hopeful, it cracks something open inside my chest. “Which is why I need to tell you…”
