Page 46 of Perfectly Complicated
His heartbeat is steady beneath my ear, his arms secure around me. For the first time since Nick left, for the first time since this whole nightmare started, I feel safe.
FOURTEEN
Janie
I wake up in someone’s arms, and for exactly three seconds, it feels like the most natural thing in the world. Perfectly warm, the thrum of a heartbeat under my ear, his hand splayed on my back. The faint scent of smoke from the fire hangs in the air, and everything about this moment feels safe and right and?—
Reality crashes over me like an icy wave. Last night’s confession is now this morning’s vulnerability hangover. I let him see part of me I never show anyone, along with some ugly tears.
I can tell by his breathing that he’s awake too, but neither of us moves. We’re both pretending, caught in this limbo between what happened and what we’re supposed to pretenddidn’thappen.
Nothing happened physically, but in every other way it did. Emotionally, I bared myself until there was nothing but brutally naked honesty between us.
His thumb brushes almost unconsciously across my shoulder blade, sending a shiver through my body.
I should definitely move. But for just another moment, I let myself stay here, feeling safer than I have in a long time.
“Morning,” he murmurs in a rough voice.
I tilt my head up to find his gaze sweeping over me, andsomething passes between us—awareness, longing, the memory of how right this felt. His eyes drop to my lips for just a beat before we both seem to remember where we are.
I sit up quickly. “I should…” I gesture vaguely toward the bathroom, not trusting myself to form complete sentences when he’s looking at me like that.
“Yeah,” he agrees. “Take your time.”
I splash cold water on my face and stare at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is a mess, my eyes are still puffy, and I’m wearing his sweatshirt.
What was I thinking?Oh, right,I wasn’t. I wasfeeling, which is exactly the kind of mistake that gets me into trouble. And I can’t afford to make mistakes with men who might not stick around.
By the time I come out of the bathroom, fully dressed with my walls up, he’s already making the bed like nothing happened.
“Good morning,” I say, trying to sound friendly, but nottoofriendly. I don’t want him to think that one night means something it can’t.
He turns around, and for a second, I see something soft in his gaze.
“Thank you for last night,” I say, staying across the room. I hate that I’m the one creating this distance, but I have Aria to think about. “It was…nice.”
Nice?I cringe inside.That’s the best I could come up with?
He flinches, then schools his features. “No problem. All part of the Christmas adventure, right?”
“Right,” I echo, forcing a smile. “Well, we should probably get going.”
“Yeah,” he says in a flat voice. “Probably should.”
I don’t want to leave things this way. But I have to. I can’t fall for a man who’s only here temporarily, who’ll leave once the pageant is over.
“Wait.” I shake my head, starting over again. “What you did last night—calming me down after the nightmareand then staying with me—was exactly what I needed. And I’m grateful.” I pause. “But you didn’t have to…”
“I wanted to.” He cuts me off, then looks me in the eye. “Not because I felt obligated. Because I wanted to be there for you.” He hesitates, studying me. “Are you okay this morning?”
“Yeah,” I say with a quick nod.
Even though that’s not entirely true.
Because my heart’s in free fall. And Rourke Riley is the reason why.
When we start home, I put on my Christmas playlist again, desperate for something to fill the silence so we don’t have to talk about last night or the kiss under the mistletoe. While Bing Crosby croons about a white Christmas, Rourke keeps his eyes on the road ahead, which is passable now that the snow has stopped. I stare out the window at the snow sparkling like white diamonds.
