Page 20 of Saint
Yes, I think to myself. This is exactly what I need.
Thank god the weekend is over. My bad mood made Saturday a strain for Noah—and me if I’m honest. I spent the weekend by myself with all my regrets, the biggest was the shitty way I’ve been treating Noah. It’s not his fault I went too far with Tate last Wednesday night. It’s not his fault that I couldn’t enjoy it because it wasn’t him. Nope, it was all on me. So now I’m waiting for Noah to come in, so I can apologise for being a wanker, for my bad mood, and for kissing him again. He’s right that I can’t keep messing him around.
The sound of his key in the door makes me put down the cleaning cloth I’ve been using to polish all the glass cabinets and pictures. He halts as he steps through the door, his expression hesitant as he looks at me. I know he’s trying to gauge my mood before he decides how to proceed.
“Noah, look, I’m sorry I was such a dick last week. It wasn’t your problem or anything you did, it was all on me.”
“Okay, thanks for apologising.” He nods and gives me a weak smile. He may have said the right words, but he’s not happy. “I have to go out at lunchtime. I’ve an appointment I need to be on time for.”
“Is everything okay?” Is he ill? Has something happened?
“Yes, it’s all good.” Okay, so he’s still upset. He walks through the room to the hallway and the office, pulling the strap of his bag over his head as he goes.
I should leave it, let him work through whatever is on his mind by himself. But it’s bothering me now, he’s got something going on, and he’s not sharing it with me. He’s usually so happy and eager. Today, he looks like he’s got the weight of the world on his shoulders. Pops will know. I’ll call him at lunchtime if Noah hasn’t forgiven me.
The morning goes quickly, we’re both busy, me with a regular and Noah with a young guy getting his first, a full sleeve that will take a while to complete but is going to be stunning. Made up of mythological animals all drawn by Noah. I’m a little bit jealous he gets to do it, but he’s an incredible artist. They chat about the animals as the needle buzzes all through the morning, and after three hours, Noah calls a halt.
“Time to stop, mate. I think you’ve had enough for the day.” He wipes down the arm and gets the wrap ready.
“Can I have a look?” the kid asks, then after a shuffle off the chair he walks over to the full-length mirror. “That is so cool. Noah, you’re a genius, man.”
And he’s right, it’s incredible. A griffin covers his upper arm, and the gold of the lion’s body seems to ripple as if the wind is running through it. The eagle head gazes at me, the eyes bright and intelligent, the beak viciously sharp. “Great job, Noah.” I praise him, genuinely impressed.
He gives me a nod, but he doesn’t smile. He wraps the guy’s arm and leads him out. The door buzzes and then Noah’s back, cleaning up his station. “I’ll be back in about an hour,” he says to me and leaves. Another voice greets him, one I know very well. Pops.
“Hey, old man, you here for some ink?” I call out to him, laughing. It a standing joke between us, and as usual, Pops declines my offer.
“Never, Saint, you know that.” His standard answer is full of humour, but he doesn’t come back and see me, just calls out a goodbye, which is weird. What are they doing together? And does it have anything to do with Noah’s mood?
I finish up and send my guy on his way. I’ve got a gap of just over an hour before my next appointment, but the quiet is interrupted by Knox.
“Hey, what’re you doing here?”
“I think I’ve said something to upset Noah. I don’t know why it should, but Pops says I need to ‘fess up to you.” Knox rubs the back of his neck, seemingly uncomfortable.
“Spit it out then, because Noah has hardly spoken two words to me today. Do you know where he and Pops have gone? Is it connected?”
“They’ve gone to sign a contract on a flat for Noah. He’s found a great one, and he needs a guarantor. But it’s not connected to why I’m here. I don’t know why it matters, but I told him about you going to Bound last week.”
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Knox blinks a couple of times as he waits for me to speak, but then he talks first. “Why is it such a big thing? You’ve played with those guys plenty of times.”
I think of Noah and how he looked at me this morning. Yep, it’s because of this, and I don’t blame him. I’ve messed with his head. He asked to be with me, and I said no, that he couldn’t handle what I want. Then I picked the two guys who had teased him to take it out on.
“Why, Knox? You know you can’t talk about shit like that, you know the rules.” I let out a long breath. It’s too late to do anything about it. Noah knows, and he’s pissed off with me. “Have they been back to the gym since last week? And what was Noah doing there? You never did tell me.”
“They tried to get in the yoga class that Noah has just started, the one Blake runs, and I’m teaching him self-defence afterwards. I thought he would’ve told you.”
No, he hadn’t. I would’ve taught him self-defence. Why didn’t he ask me? The thought of Knox with his hands on my boy sets off my protective streak, and I don’t want his hands anywhere near him. “No, he didn’t. Why are you teaching him? Dad does those classes.”
“The course is too far along to add a complete beginner. He’ll join the next one, if he likes it.” Knox stares at me, shrewdly, his eyes narrowing. “What’s going on between the two of you? You’ve been acting weird around him.” Then his eyes widen, and he shakes his head. “You want to claim him as yours. He may be submissive, but he’s not got a clue, Saint. He’s not your kind of sub. You should leave him alone. And why did you go to the club last week? Were you trying to fuck the man out of your head?”
I want to deny it all, to tell him to fuck off, but I can’t. Noah is constantly on my mind, the replay of both kisses I’ve claimed from him running on constant repeat. When I close my eyes, his face is all I see. And now he knows what an arsehole I am, and he’s hurting because of it.
“I didn’t fuck them. That’s not the point. I don’t know what to do. He’s—fuck—he’s what I want. I told him how I get my kicks, and he says he wants it. But can you see him tied to a table with whip marks over his back and arse? Because I can’t. I seehim cuddled up on his master’s lap with a pretty collar around his neck as he’s petted.”
“Then tell him and let him go.” Knox pats my shoulder. “I’ll see you later.”
