Page 47 of Love Beyond Repair
“Kelsey asked us not to tell you,” my mother replies, her voice cool. “She said you’d moved on. She didn’t want to be a burden. She only admitted she contacted you herself after I called you.”
Her words are bitter, calculated. The perfected deflection in every sentence hitting the target, sending me spiraling like it always does. They slip under my skin, guilt creeping up my spine and spreading until I can’t say no.
“Ben, you spent a decade of your life with this girl. You know how vulnerable she is. I’m so disappointed in you for not taking her seriously. Judging by the number of calls she made to you, did you not think the situation was important? I saw her phone. You blatantly ignored her pleas for help.”
I take a deep breath, knowing that whatever I say will sound pathetic. There’s no explaining my way out of this. Any excuse or reason won’t cut it; it never does when it doesn’t fit the agenda of my parents.
“The thing is… Kelsey’s always been dramatic. And we’ve been separated for a year. If I’d known… I would’ve come home.” Even to my own ears, I sound weak. My mother rolls her eyes, clicking her tongue disapprovingly. Her face darkens, the anger I’ve known since childhood rising.
“Too busy screwing your newer model,” she retorts, before storming off towards the kitchen. The door slams closed as if punctuating the moment.
Bex.
Shit. I completely forgot about her waiting at home for me. My phone has been on silent since I arrived. Pulling it from my pocket, I see three missed calls. Three voicemails.
I’m waiting for you.
Assume you’re busy, babe.
Don’t leave me hanging too long.
May have to takematters into my own hands.
Wake me when you get home. Love you.
I glance at the clock. 3 a.m. I’ve been here for hours. She hasn’t called me since midnight. Hopefully, she’s asleep.
My father’s eyes are still on me. Weary. Assessing. My ex-partner is asleep in his guest room, broken with no family, after I ignored her calls for help. The woman I’m falling in love with is home alone, waiting for a man I’m not sure I can be.
He sighs. “Son, what you do next is going to affect the rest of your life.” I look at him blankly. “Kelsey’s vulnerable. She always has been. Without you this last year, she’s been lost. If you choose to support her now, you’ll need to be here for her for a while. You need to consider how that affects your current relationship.”
He’s right. I can’t do both.
My partner of ten years is shattered, while the woman I’m crazy for is waiting for me in sexy lingerie, after telling me she loved me. Could this be any more fucked?
Stepping out into my parents’ garden, I call Bex. To my relief, it diverts to voicemail. I leave a message.
“The situation here is complicated. I’m staying at the hospital tonight. I’ll be back tomorrow and explain. I miss you. I…”
I cut the call before I can say what I want to. Holding the words I know she wants to hear hostage. Once I tell her I love her, I can’t take it back. I can’t pretend I don’t if this all goes wrong.
Calling my boss, I arrange the day off work due to a family emergency, resolving to sort things in the morning. Then I head upstairs and peek into the spare room.
Kelsey’s awake, staring blankly at the ceiling. Her eyes are vacant, silent tears running down her face. She sits up as I walk in. I lower myself beside her and reach for her hand. Her fingers are chilled, and I wrap them tighter, trying to share my warmth.
“I’m here,” I say. “I’m here, Kels. You’re not on your own in this.”
We sit side by side, both of us staring at the night through the window, the ominous feeling growing by the second. Tonight has changed the direction of both our lives; we both know it. Me being here, and her losing her father. Two life-changing events that won’t only affect us, but those around us.
“Lie with me,” she whispers into the air, not looking at me.
I freeze. Everything inside me says not to. Each cell screams to stop. Every instinct tells me to stand up and walk away. This isn’t how to help her; making her more reliant on me won’t give either of us what we need right now.
I stare down at the space beside her as she moves to lie back. My body refuses, but my guilt demands I do. It’s louder than sense. Heavier than desire. I kick off my shoes and lie down. On top of the covers. But still, I lie with her.
She snuggles in, like she has a thousand times before, and we drift off to sleep. An hour later, I wake feeling chilled.
Kelsey’s sleeping soundly, so I slide, fully dressed, under the duvet with her. She’s warm in my arms. Comforting. Familiar. Dangerous. Without thinking, we fall into our old position to sleep on our sides, with me wrapped around behind her. It’s as if we’ve never been apart.
