Page 48 of Love Beyond Repair
As sunlight pours in through the window, I wake with a familiar ache of arousal. For a second, I forget where I am. Then I remember, and my heart sinks when my eyes open. Kelsey’s facing me, propped up on one elbow, watching me sleep, a wicked smile on her face.
“Well, someone’s pleased to see me,” she purrs. My eyes widen as I realize her hand is wrapped around me, stroking my dick. My pants hang open, the buttons undone. Her thumb slides over the tip, the way she knows I love.
“Kels, don’t do this.” My voice comes out rough, more pleading than commanding. I catch her wrist, stilling her hand, though my body betrays me. “Not now. This isn’t why I’m here.”
I swallow hard, forcing the words past the tightness in my throat. “I’m here to support you, not sleep with you.”
She just smiles, slow and knowing, pulling the duvet down to expose her naked body. My heart hammers, my pulse beating in my ears. Our bodies know each other, andit’s messing with my head. She leans forward to kiss me, but I jerk back, putting space between us.
“Kels, I’m not doing this now with you. You’re grieving. I won’t take advantage.”
She shrugs. “It’s not taking advantage if I ask for it.”
I jump out of bed. She lets out a shaky laugh, but the tears follow fast. This woman is a wreck. And I have no fucking clue how I’m supposed to walk away.
She’s broken. And now, I think I might be too.
Chapter twenty-four
Ben
Today has been tricky. As far as Bex is concerned, I’m at work. We had a simple conversation this morning, but the guilt is eating me alive. She should be back at work now, still glowing from our holiday. I plan to see her tonight, but I’ve no idea what I’m going to say — what I’m going to do.
Kelsey and I went to her father’s house today—well, I say her father’s house, but Kelsey’s home too. Since she couldn’t face going alone, I went with her. His morning paper and empty coffee cup were still sitting on the kitchen table. She saw them and broke down.
She sat there, frozen, staring at the walls while I gave the house a general tidy up, moving all the obvious personal items of her father's into his room. At least this way, she can deal with them when she’s ready.
I helped her sort through paperwork to make plans for the funeral. It had been heart-wrenching to watch her struggle at points during the day. All I could do was hold her and let her sob into my chest. She was so fragile. So utterly lost. It broke my heart.
We arrived back at my parents’ house around six. Most of the funeral preparations are complete. Kelsey’s father had few friends since distancing himself from everyone after his wife’s death.
After her mother’s unexpected passing, Kelsey and I were her father’s primary source of social contact. She had assumed the role of daughter-wife. Now, with no one to care for, she looks hollow. It’s clear someone needs to look after her for once. I asked if there was anyone special in her life I could contact. A friend, perhaps? She shook her head.
“There’s only you and your family. I don’t want anyone else.”
After a long discussion with my parents and Kelsey regarding ongoing arrangements, I called Bex, telling her I’d catch up with her after work tomorrow. Even replaying the conversation in my head now, it sounds dismissive. Cold. She didn’t argue, only listened, then mumbled somethingI couldn’t quite hear. I’m still worried about what she’s thinking, but I have nothing comforting to offer her beyond half-truths. However, I’ve made my decision. I need to see it through.
Bex is independent and feisty, with a blossoming career and a network of friends. She’ll be a success with or without me, I know it. That’s why I love her so much. I love her spirit and the self-awareness she’s developed. I love her wit and sarcasm that comes wrapped in gentleness and love. But she doesn’t need me, I know that. And even though I’ll miss her every damn day, even though it will break me to lose her… I know what I need to do.
***
Bex
Forty-eight hours ago, I was the happiest I’ve ever been in my adult life. As a child, I was happy up to the age of thirteen. Those young, strange years were a blast — making mud pies, counting rocks with my friends, pretending to be from another planet, and wearing whatever made you happy. Life felt magical then.
But when I hit my teenage years, I struggled with fitting in, never knowing what to say, who to sit with, or how to be cool. I always gravitated to the outsiders or them to me. I was never sure which way round it worked.
These past few weeks with Ben have been perfect. He’s made me feel like the only woman in the world. I love him for it. The two weeks in Spain cemented my feelings and our relationship.
I’d always found him attractive since we were teenagers, but never once thought he could be interested in me. The fact that he put up with me as a friend was a shock. I wasn’t the kind of girl seen with guys like him. In the beginning, I assumed it was a joke, but the punchline never came.
Kelsey and Ben were my friends. The familiar guilt when I think of Kelsey rises in my throat. What kind of person falls for their friend’s ex? But he is also my friend, I remind myself. And I love him. That is the one thing I am sure of — Dr. Benjamin Jones has my heart. I cannot imagine my life without him.
The lack of contact since we returned from Spain is making me uneasy. It’s been two days since I saw him. He called me an hour ago to say he would be back by eight o’clock. It’s now 7:30 p.m.
He said he was working today, and I know he keeps spare clothes at the hospital. It’s perfectly plausible that he’s been there this whole time, but dread coils in my stomach, hard and unrelenting. Deep down, I know something is wrong. My mind flicks back to our final day in Spain, when he was quiet. I should’ve asked him. I knew somethinghad changed.
The television is on, but I’m not watching it. His key in the door signals he’s home; it opens and closes with a familiar click. He kicks off his shoes the same way he does every night, and sock-clad feet pad slowly along the hallway. Then he’s there.
